Thank you so much for babysitting the girls tonight! Bedtime is usually 7:00 PM, but, honestly, it’ll end up being more like 9 PM. And even more honestly, more like 10:45.
Sorry.
If you get hungry, there’s half a turkey dinosaur and a big splodge of mashed banana smooshed on the carpet under the sofa. Otherwise, feel free to order yourself a pizza—our treat! The girls jammed the credit card into the gap between the counter and the dishwasher, but you might be able to jimmy it out with a couple of Uno cards, if you can find at least two. If all else fails, maybe you can guess the 16-digit number if you send out good vibes? There can’t be that many possible combinations.
Just make yourself at home! You’re very welcome to use any of our streaming services to watch a movie, but little Olivia has chewed the arrow buttons off the remote so it will have to be the Paw Patrol movie.
So sorry.
If you don’t fancy a movie, there’s a selection of 94-piece jigsaws in the toy box—it’s fun to leave a little something to the imagination, don’t you think?
Sticky, ripped children’s books are also a great nostalgic option. The Very Hungry Cat, We’re Going on a Bear, and Goodnight Mo are some of our favorites.
A few little things to look out for with the girls:
Mia does sometimes do this little night terror thing where she screams bloody murder in her sleep, and, if you try to intervene in any way, she will kick you in the face. Poor wee lamb! If she goes off, just sit with her—close enough that the sound of her screams will haunt your every waking moment until the day you die, but far enough to avoid grievous head injury. She’ll probably stop after an hour or two, unless it’s not really a night terror, but bed-wetting or hunger or thirst or sickness, in which case she won’t. You’ll figure it out!
Soo soo sorry.
You’ll notice George Ezra is playing on a constant loop on the kitchen speaker. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you turn off George Ezra unless you want all hell to break loose. The man is the Toddler Whisperer.
Ugh, sorry!
You might notice every surface glistening slightly—don't worry, it's just snot! She’s totally fine, but she’s streaming mucus like a miniature demon so have a Kleenex or eight handy! Also, she's super contagious, so don't let her catch you! The doctor has prescribed her a little something, so could you please give her a spoonful of medicine every two hours? She absolutely hates the taste, so she might hit, scratch, and bite a little, or a lot. My smart watch says I burned 300 calories just wrestling Livvy today! Eek, sorry!
The good news is the wound on my face only needed seven stitches and the doctor said it'll barely scar.
We are expecting a few packages this evening, if you’d be so kind as to take them in. Don’t let anyone ring the doorbell though, or they’ll both wake up completely hysterical and never go back down! I recommend keeping a vigilant eye out for the entire night. You could position yourself at the living room window, or, better yet, out on the stoop. It is supposed to rain quite hard tonight—sorry—something about the Beast from the East—sorry—but I’m sure you’ll cope! Hypothermia’s for suckers, right?
SO sorry.
Lastly, I’m so sorry the whole house smells like poo. There’s a hidden diaper somewhere we just haven’t been able to track down yet! Maybe you could make it a game with the girls? Last one to find the diaper is a rotten egg… which, in fairness, would smell considerably better.
Thanks again for this. You’re a sorry– I mean star!