Comedy Articles

Leggings: Destroying Women’s Dignity One Camel Toe at a Time

At some point on your college campus you have encountered the girl who believes that her skin-tight leggings are a completely legitimate form of pants. I don't know who told her that a thin piece of nylon would suffice, but they were fucking wrong.

by Ashley Solomon
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March 28, 2009

Las Vegas Spring Break Alibis

A list of alibis for the common events you will encounter during your Spring Break trip to Las Vegas, ensuring that your friends and family will never find out just how much of a monster you really are.

by Matt Hulten
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March 26, 2009

We Must Drink the Rising Sea Levels

Let's face it: ocean water tastes like shit. But what if it didn't? What if we could figure out a way to make it a refreshing cocktail? That's right, we must fight the rising sea levels by drinking them.

by Aaron Aught
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March 20, 2009

The Snippets Party On

<p>The following is my personal version of <a href="/user/9">Nate DeGraaf</a>'s legendary <a href="/blogs/nathan-degraaf/snippets-archive">Snippets</a>.</p>

by Nick Hinton
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March 18, 2009

The Long and Tiring Road: Lost During Arizona Bike Week

Rolling Stone had commissioned me to write a piece about modern day biker gangs. My destination was Arizona Bike Week, a festival that celebrates everything America loves about itself: bikes, beer, cheap sex, violence, drugs, and midgets.

by Chet Fitzgerald
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March 17, 2009

Open Letters to Shorty Shorts Man and Fancy Gym Guy

If by some miracle I got the chance to talk to Shorty Shorts Man or Fancy Gym Guy, here is exactly what I would say.

by Carolina Kyzer
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March 14, 2009

Fake Police Helicopters on the Rise

With a slumping economy, neighborhood watch committees are turning to private contractors for surveillance, and what better way than to license helicopter services to keep criminals on the run?

by Jon Lowe
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March 12, 2009

Eavesdrop #339, Geek vs. Supermodel

In this eavesdrop, the cell phone conversation between a supermodel and an astrophysicist is snatched from the air. Let's listen in as the two deal with each other's physical and mental shortcomings.

by Jon Lowe
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March 11, 2009

Preserving My Slut Factor is Hard Work

You know those girls who walk out of a building and every penis within a 10-mile radius starts either begging its owner to turn around, or tucking itself and quivering in shame? You might not know it, but that, ladies and gents, is your slut factor.

by Coury Groves
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March 6, 2009

Gardening for the Disabled

Even if you're like, totally fucked up and in a wheelchair, you can still garden, okay? Millions of disabled people assume they can't, though.

by Crad Kilodney
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March 2, 2009

Diary of a Drunk Dial

You've just ended a relationship. All you want to do now is be left alone to wallow in self-pity and Oreo cookies, but your friends insist on taking you out to the bar. And you know this evening is going to end very badly. Here's a breakdown of the night.

by Matt Hulten
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February 26, 2009

Next Time I Roll Up, I’m Bringing the Armpit Scratcher

If I was trying to decide between a human or a chimpanzee as a bodyguard, I'd choose the chimp every time. Would YOU try and punch a 200-pound chimp? Hell no. You're gonna cover your face and try your best not to soil yourself.

by Aaron Aught
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February 24, 2009

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