Over 15,000 funny articles by seasoned comedy writers and fresh voices. New humor articles daily. Featured | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories | Topics | Random | Submit an Article
John Chris: I am in my tenth year of overseeing the murder division at Clemsaw Capital. I would be happy to help current students in any way I can!
“We’re not in the boardroom anymore, eh fellas?” I said. But Ross seemed genuinely injured.
Would you mind making me a logo for my new insect-dessert business? I was going to hire someone, but they wanted to charge me a few hundred dollars.
You may have noticed by now I’ve not typed a single word in over three hours. Don’t be alarmed. It’s all part of the process.
People are buying your data. What people? Well, maybe not people in general, but definitely the hideous creature you created.
Remember how I never explicitly say that I’m gay, and instead always couch it in weird innuendos?
He never juggles with some cheap-y plastic bowling pins and always uses solid wood ones with sparkly decals. Using bargain pins is disrespectful.
Too much fruit: I've eaten six tons of papaya, 3,500 grapefruits, 0 apples, 700 oranges, more grapes than I can count, and a plethora of colorful berries.
Having never been to a mandatory restaurant before, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but Marshall-Chase-Spiderman-Sit-Down-Now was delightful!
And your little ghost friends? They can’t spend the night. All of you swirling around in a big circle above the roof.
Has that ever happened to you? Where your body is moving but your mind starts to dissociate? I bought party hats! Who wants one?
"Fearless" -- You see the glass as half-full, not half-empty. That includes the glass of tea which you brought to Lady Ashby the day she died.