By birth order or circumstantial trauma, you have been designated as the emotional backbone of the household.
CAUTION: I’ve killed before and I’ll kill again. You’re probably thinking: “Why would a soft, soft teddy bear kill a baby?"
Oh lord, here comes my nemesis: the dessert menu! If I get a slice of the tres leches cake, you’ll all have a bite, right?
“Does anybody have a dongle?”
A Western omelette from a bodega served in a Styrofoam tray: You are a nihilist and people should actually be afraid of you.
What, you think a masterwork like "Swamp at Dawn" just happens? You think I just leave my voice notes running in a swamp at dawn? You fool.
“Christopher Columbus” sees players arriving at someone else's pool, murdering those swimmers, and then claiming that the pool now belongs to them.
Some people are afraid of artificial intelligence. I think they should be more afraid of natural stupidity.
Love is something you’re in, like tall boxes you can’t jump high enough to see over the edge of, or escape from, or scream loud enough for someone to hear you and cut a hole in to rescue you.
Early paternity tests were only 50% effective: they told you that the child has a father, but they couldn’t tell you who it was.
A Western omelette from a bodega served in a Styrofoam tray: You are a nihilist and people should actually be afraid of you.
WELL GUESS THEY CAUGHT ME. GREAT JOB. BECAUSE I PUT MY BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS. OH GOD SO MANY FUCKING TEARS INTO THIS DRINK.
We cigarettes just taste better abroad. The exact science is unclear, but it’s probably because we’re free of toxic ingredients like judgmental looks from your friends.
After what happened last summer, I will not run after the Freddy’s Frozen Freaks ice cream truck.
