Turn the sheet so that the elastic edge faces you. Do not look directly at it, lest it sense your anxiety.
Pottery: This one is simple: the night your wife called things off, you drank an entire bottle of wine and "Ghost" randomly started playing on Tubi.
Name: Dick Van Dyke Species: Jerk Physical Appearance: Tall and rude. Personality: Straight white man.
Jump to conclusions why don’t you? I did not lock her in a basement. I’m not a monster. We live in a tower.
Is he “ugly-hot” or does his face bear the mark of an impish, Germanic evil?
Are you looking for anything specific today? Just browsing? Awesome—mind if I watch from the other side of the room?
Remember how excited you were about the pottery wheel that’s now a hat rack? Or the sourdough starter you ate raw on day three?
My therapist diagnosed me with narcissistic personality disorder. That must have been the highlight of her week.
I had to split with my boyfriend last week. He was taking too many risks on his Yamaha. The last straw was playing Mozart’s “Requiem” blindfolded.
You seem like the kind of girl who stops traffic. Do you happen to work in a red light district?
She rolls into my office like one of those rotating hot dogs at 7-11. You know the ones, plastic-y but intriguing.
No, of course not. It's no big deal. This happens to everyone. Right? Everyone has little involuntary muscle spasms sometimes.
Lower back pain that sets in after approximately half an hour of immobility.
So where are you holding the wedding? Is it going to be in the sewers of Chicago?
