The worst part about Christmas is wrapping presents. I bought my friend the latest 2 Chainz CD as a joke and asked the lady at the store to wrap it for me. She said, “I need a beat.”
I felt bad about slapping the bass at rehearsal yesterday. He’s new to a cappella and I was very frustrated with him.
“Climb ev’ry mountain. Ford every stream. Do it with REI.” -Maria Von Trapp, Instagram influencer
2020 has helped me understand the plot of Planet of the Apes better. I could see being so fed up with human leadership that you’re like, “Maybe we give the monkeys a shot.”
A humor writer walks into a deli and orders a pastrami on wry. The order is then rejected.
“Snitches Get Stitches” wasn't Doctor Seuss's best work, but it was certainly his most memorable.
The hordes of out-of-towners who descended upon Walden Pond were told that the Thoreau Fair was a stone’s throw from the thoroughfare.
Ideas for improving the Kindle: add the ability to play music, watch movies, lose the whole “reading” thing.
What if Home Alone was just Kevin safeguarding himself against a virus he believed eliminated his family?