How many fanboys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one. The problem is, he'll refuse to take the bulb out of the box because then it “won't be worth anything.”
“Kiss Me Thru the Phone” wasn't about phone sex, it was about how your relationship with your parents automatically gets better when you move far far away.
Make-up artist on Instagram live: So if you have any questions, leave them in the comments!
Me: *lowers hand*
My favorite part about coffee is not hearing where the beans came from.
“Rules are meant to be broken,” I whisper to myself as I leave my passionfruit tea bag in my mug several minutes past the recommended steeping time.
It’s hard to rebuild a place after a fire. It’s even harder when it’s a wax museum.
You know what Kant said, so no point repeating it.
My grandparents grew up in the Depression. I grew up in the anxiety.
I can see why they went for the brand name “Superdry”—“Arid” doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.
They say Newton discovered gravity while quarantined during a plague. Big deal. I discovered vodka.
A traffic cop's dedication to their work, no matter the weather or time of day, inspires me to be a better interpretive dancer.
I read that a shark will lose almost 1,000 teeth a year. And I thought I was forgetful.
One day in 11th grade we had the most appalling substitute teacher. He didn’t know the first thing about substitute.
When people say they need to “unplug and recharge,” are they just using a wireless charger?
I'm sure whales have a very beautiful name for them, but to humans, they're called blowholes.
Tried to join a yoga class but even my schedule wasn’t flexible enough.
Heard someone say that everyone picks their nose but I don’t remember getting to choose mine.
When I was a kid my grandma’s idea of road safety was hugging me tighter in the backseat. Now my grandma complains that a mask hugs her face too tightly, and that’s called carma.
I like to think that Marco Polo found himself in the end.
We're experiencing a national coin shortage. It doesn't make any sense. How are activists supposed to make any change?
— Susan Sassi, @sassers_