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Brian Agler's picture

6 Potential Obama Running Mates

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Much scrutiny has been given to Barack Obama's upcoming choice for running mate. Short lists have been circulating for months now, presenting possible picks for the Democratic nominee. Leaked lists have included senators, governors, and former military officers. The following is the most recently leaked short list: Read More »

Jeff Beck's picture

I Wish I Was Funny

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Ha Ha Ha Ha

I wish I was funny. I wish I could write something so earth-shatteringly hilarious that an AIDS-ridden Darfurian rape victim would bust their gut. From laughing, not from AIDS. God, that would be so sweet. Read More »

J.B. Hour's picture

My Apologies for the Sanctuary Night Club Melee

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Nightclub Fight
Thank you all for coming.  I called this press conference because I felt it necessary to clear the air regarding incidents that took place on Friday June 27th, 2008.  First off, as treasurer of FMS I would like to say that my actions are in no way representative of this fine establishment as a whole Read More »
Alex Bash's picture

Famous Moments in Alcohol: The Titanic Tragedy

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Titanic Iceberg

To truly understand where we are going as partiers, we must understand where we have come from. We must enlighten ourselves with tales of belligerence from the past.  We must study the ways of great drinkers before us, for if we do, we may realize that although having a gigantic anchor full of booze may sound like a cool idea, we probably shouldn't use it while crossing the Atlantic Ocean. Read More »

John Gillespie's picture

I Do Not Understand Regret

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Boy of Stone

I can be a douchebag sometimes. I will be the first to admit it. I get drunk or drugged out, and make bad decisions. You might say, "But John, doesn't every college kid do this?" The answer is yes, they do. But the difference between them and I is a fit in this rare category where you don't experience regret. Read More »