Sorry I Shot You in the Ovaries
Posted January 5th, 2009 by Nate MarmaroOkay, I'm going to be totally honest with you: I was the one that shot you in the ovaries. It was a rookie mistake; I thought I was shooting a glass bottle on a rail post, and it turns out it was your baby compartment. My bad. In my defense, you should have waved your hands or something when you crossed the street. Read More »
The Beauty of the Smoke Circle
Posted January 1st, 2009 by Alex BoonstraThe time before the blunt is a quiet, calm period. We all sit in a circle and watch in hushed awe as the roller works silently. He is drawn in, focused intensely on the task at hand, ignoring all the distractions around him. His tan fingers work like clockwork, picking out the seeds and evenly distributing the weed. Around him, the room is noiseless, all thoughts going unvoiced, the occ Read More »
This Steering Wheel is Getting in the Way of My Drunk Dialing
Posted December 28th, 2008 by Eric OttI'm pretty sure this is the latest it's ever been and Chris Browning would want to know. That guy appreciates important moments in history. That's what makes him a golden god. He'd understand how fucking late it was and how great we were for being a part of it. Read More »
My Live Blog of a Night at the Frats
Posted December 25th, 2008 by Brian Agler10:37pm: I need alcohol in me, like, big time. I don't think I'm addicted, but I just really want to drink. Does that make me an alcoholic?
10:40: Answer: It makes me a college student. I'm relieved, for a second I thought I was an alcoholic. Whew, that's a load off my back. Read More »
Jesus Died for This Article
Posted December 22nd, 2008 by Kevin ChangI'm a bottle of wine in and I still can't come up with a Christmas article worth writing. The problem is that Christmas-themed articles usually fall into one of three categories: they're either feel-good reaffirmations of the greatness of this holiday (Santa's real!), depressing deconstructions of the socio-normative constructs that lead us to believe in the greatness of this holiday (Santa's not real!), or all-out hating on the Jewish faith (Jews suck!), the latter representing the largest of the three. Read More »
I Am Having Fun at This Party!
Posted December 18th, 2008 by Pat FrancartSometimes a party is just so keen and super fun, you need to tell everyone what a good time you're having. What most people don't realize is that there is a code of conduct for showing your joy.
So, how do I let everyone know how much fun I'm having? Read More »




























