Ashley, Customer Success Coordinator, Will You Be My Work Wife?
Ashley, when I work with you, I feel like I’m on a never-ending Personal Improvement Plan.
Tag: Satire
An Apology to My Local Barista After Asking to Substitute Oat Milk in My Honeysuckle-Boysenberry Latte
I now know that when you pulled that shot, you were thinking about the mouthfeel and terroir of my coffee experience.
Feminist Neanderthal Manifesto
We will not allow the men to firelight us into believing we are too emotional when our toddlers leave on their first hunts.
There’s Never Been a Worse Time to Be Alive (And Hosting a Suits Rewatch Podcast)
I just can't imagine my grandfather, or his grandfather, facing this kind of uphill battle when starting their Suits rewatch podcasts.
A Brief Footnote to the “No Gifts” Policy for Our Child’s Party
No need to buy anything for Brayden. You certainly don't know Brayden well enough to know that he's longing for a Mandalorian LEGO set.
Travel Update from Your Favorite Division Director
Hannah has mostly been good company, except for repeatedly suggesting that she and my son might want to do a few things on their own.
Oh Thank God, the Man Who Shouts “Somebody Get Help” Is Here
Hey, Officer, don’t look so worried. I’m the best there is. I advised Al Pacino on how to shout “somebody get help” in "Heat."
Making This Movie Was like Summer Camp
Sometimes we missed the real world, so we would use the payphone to call our agents, managers, and publicists with the spare change they’d given us.
On Behalf of Our Entire Waitstaff, I Apologize for That New Birthday Song
Oh, I would hardly call what you saw "nudity" or "pornographic movements."
Updates on the Status of the Tuna Melt You Ordered
Chef Roberts was trying to open the new tuna can, and his thumb got stuck in the ring.
As Your Stalker, I Need You to Stop Using Metal Tools on Nonstick Pans
This was the first time I felt like I was witnessing something I shouldn't be seeing.
A Day in the Life of a Teenager in 2003, as Imagined by The CW’s “One Tree Hill”
12:00 P.M.: School, I guess? Who knows.