Striking Revelations Quotes

"It's like a laxative. A laxative of fear."
-Jeff, on taking ayahuasca

Carla: I cooked kosher hotdogs for supper.
Moh: EMILY! COME EAT A JEW WEINER!!
-Specific people coming to mind

Janet: Efren, I wouldn't wear my bathing suit around you if you paid me $2 million.
Efren: I would pay you $2 million NOT to wear a bathing suit around me.
-You just saved: $2 million

Lauren: So did that guy just say, "I'm fixin' to kill that bitch?"
Walter: Pretty sure he just did.
Bill: So when the word "fixin'" just pours out of someone, that makes them certifiably crazy?
Walter: I'm guessing that's the case.
Lauren: This show is so enlightening.
-While watching Lockup on MSNBC

Customer: It's hot out there!
Molly: Is it?
Customer: Yeah. Well, you obviously don't get much sun, do you? Is that on purpose?
Molly: ...Umm, no, not really. I'm just in here all the time, working.
Customer: Yeah... you're very white. I used to be pale, but not like you. I'm just going to browse for a bit.
Molly: Okay... if you have any questions, let me know.
-Strictly business?

Kelli: I was funny before I met you!
Edward: No...my presence has made your humor blossom.
-On the true laugh factor

Leeny: Adrianna, what's your screen name?
Adrianna: Why?
Leeny: What do you mean, why? So I can talk to you online!
Adrianna (completely serious): ....Oh. Here, I'll give you the one I don't use very often.
Leeny: What the hell kind of answer is that?!
-Rejected before the first keystroke

Tanya: I'm watching 8 Mile. It's really good.
Courtney: I'm having sex in an orchard.
-Comparing daily activities over the phone

Katie: Mom, we need a new shower curtain, this one lets the water out because it doesn't go all the way down.
Katie's Mom: Try to pull down the bar.
Katie: Okay, but I don't understand what you want me to do...
Katie's Mom: Is the curtain touching the floor?
Katie: Yeah but...ohhh...
-Why moms worry so much when their kids go off to college

"I had no idea what she was talking about when she asked 'What makes hydrogen bonds important to the qualities of water?' or something stupid like that, so I just wrote 'Hydrogen bonds are important because they're what makes the water wet."
-Jess, on why she knows she failed the test

"They can kiss my ass if they don't like it, and I KNOW they won't like it. So there's gonna be alot of people kissing my ass and I'm going to like it!"
-Danielle, pissed and bitter at work

Kat: Ohh! I have a rattle.
Brandon: A birth control pill pack rattle?
Kat: Well, better a BCP rattle then a baby rattle!
-On meaningful BF-GF moments

Suz: What would you name your kids when you have them?
Will: Who gives a shit? I'm not having them with you.
-Will, still not grasping the think before you speak concept

Spencer's Mom: Spence, Abby, Casey is staying at our camp site tonight, decide where you're all sleeping now.
Spencer: Oh he can sleep next to me, I'm more than confident with my sexuallity. I'll sleep in the middle.
Abby: Uh...can I go sleep in the van? I don't want to wake up to two guys spooning.
-Abby, suspecting overconfidence during a camping trip

Joe: Come look at this crazy guy playing an ocarina made from a mushroom!
Tom: Hey, he's cheating! You can see the carrot!
-Tom, scrutinizing ridiculous YouTube videos