Let me preface this by saying that I am not usually one to jump on the proverbial band wagon. Your name without any help from me is synonymous with douches who think they're funny, and you have already taken the lion's share of the degradation and shame that comes with being a "comedian." Still, I feel compelled to inform you that writing the words "Dane Cook" and "comedy" in the same sentence will probably cause me to develop ulcers of biblical proportions. How I suffer for my moral crusades! Read More »

I just came home to a sign on the staircase leading to my apartment that said "Lost apartment keys. If found, please return to apt 13112." As someone who has, through necessity, learned to speak moron quite proficiently, what surprised me most was that I still found stupidity of this magnitude shocking. Read More »

Sitting here at my mundane job, pretending to be busy, while looking at some of the sickest things ever to grace the internet, somehow I remain strangely unfulfilled. One would think that getting paid to see so much free porn that you start recognizing the crossover stars in so-called "reality porn" is the modern version of the American Dream, but I still have this nagging feeling in Read More »