After running out of per diem, your child will unwisely accept financial help from their Russian pen pal.
The achievement of seeing the “You’re all caught up!” message on Instagram. / Actually, make that three mosquitos in the shower.
The one-year anniversary of the day I sold you my couch on Craigslist! Time really does fly, huh?
My schedule should def get more flexible though after the conclusion of the next eight American presidential election cycles.
Brita Love™ can teach you lessons about the heart, but it cannot be that love for you. To think otherwise is a dangerous game.
To be fair, they are really good poems. I don’t want to toot my own horn (a little proctologist humor there), but those poems are inspired.
I offered to go back into the ring and pretend to get knocked out, but it was too late, especially since I had already taken my shoes and socks off.
You seem like the kind of girl who stops traffic. Do you happen to work in a red light district?
Oh, a big powerful plane can fly through the sky but needs a little buddy to push him around on the ground? Pathetic.
Before you act, ask yourself, is this: My circus? My monkey?
After running out of per diem, your child will unwisely accept financial help from their Russian pen pal.
So where are you holding the wedding? Is it going to be in the sewers of Chicago?
What would you rather have: frugal parents who saved almost $2 a month, or documented proof that you experienced a childhood?
The achievement of seeing the “You’re all caught up!” message on Instagram. / Actually, make that three mosquitos in the shower.
Minute 4: I cut out all fake friends, they’re leeches.
Me, a sweat-stained, yellowing bed pillow. You, a 42-year-old single man that clearly hasn't lived with a woman since moving out of his mom’s place.
You're eleven, and first thing's first---everybody is going to be super impressed that you, an eleven-year-old, are already reading Hemingway.
