One-liners, observations, deep thoughts, tinylists, and anecdotes. Submit a joke »
Hypochondria is best cured by letting people who think they're doctors treat people who think they're sick.
In this week’s episode, the Property Brothers travel to Tatooine to help Jabba transform a decrepit fixer-upper into his Forever Hutt.
Remember: Standing up for yourself is the first step to sitting back down for yourself.
How many lightbulbs does it take to change a dyslexic.
My background in writing and editing has perfectly prepared me for my job as a preschool teacher. After all, I am experienced in fixing people’s mistakes.
Told my co-worker we should form a union. We have now been happily married for 12 years.
Have you heard the joke about the airplane that flew forever? Yeah, it never landed.
Children should be seen and not run over.
Some people are afraid of artificial intelligence. I think they should be more afraid of natural stupidity.
My friend has multiple personalities. But he's good people.
Top 5 Worst Places to Be Shot
1. The Gap
2. The hip
3. In line for the waterslide (near top)
4. The Head… and the Heart revival tour
5. During a traffic stop on your way to an interview at The Gap
I made a controversial joke at the annual National Victoms of Strokes Conevntion. Only half the room laughed.
I only need a cursory glance at the Dunning-Kruger study to tell you just how flawed it is.
I always hoped one day we could have flying cars, but no matter how many Volvos I push out of nests, they never learn.
I hate to be that guy, but your mother and I are splitting up.
Oh, a big powerful plane can fly through the sky but needs a little buddy to push him around on the ground? Pathetic.
Who has one thumb and makes poor decisions with power tools? This guy.
My therapist diagnosed me with narcissistic personality disorder. That must have been the highlight of her week.
When a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, it lies there quietly wishing it lived in the city.
You seem like the kind of girl who stops traffic. Do you happen to work in a red light district?