Live your life like you will have something to say when a sadistic monster asks everyone in the meeting to share something interesting about themselves.
I'm a recovering workaholic. I haven't had a job for six years.
Counterpoint: Yes worries.
I had to split with my boyfriend last week. He was taking too many risks on his Yamaha. The last straw was playing Mozart's “Requiem” blindfolded.
I always put my coffee grounds in the compost pile. I like the idea of keeping those damn raccoons up all day.
5 Easy Steps to Manage a Panic Attack from Someone Currently Having One
Step 1: AHHHHHHHHHH
Step 2: AHHHHHHHHHH
Step 3: AHHHHHHHHHH
Step 4: AHHHHHHHHHH
Step 5: The 4-7-8 Breathing Method
“Would you quit your honking. I’m going as fast as I can!” But the duck wasn’t finished telling his story.
Love is something you’re in, like tall boxes you can’t jump high enough to see over the edge of, or escape from, or scream loud enough for someone to hear you and cut a hole in to rescue you.
Hypochondria is best cured by letting people who think they're doctors treat people who think they're sick.
Remember: Standing up for yourself is the first step to sitting back down for yourself.
My background in writing and editing has perfectly prepared me for my job as a preschool teacher. After all, I am experienced in fixing people’s mistakes.
Have you heard the joke about the airplane that flew forever? Yeah, it never landed.
Children should be seen and not run over.
Some people are afraid of artificial intelligence. I think they should be more afraid of natural stupidity.
My friend has multiple personalities. But he's good people.
Top 5 Worst Places to Be Shot
1. The Gap
2. The hip
3. In line for the waterslide (near top)
4. The Head… and the Heart revival tour
5. During a traffic stop on your way to an interview at The Gap
I only need a cursory glance at the Dunning-Kruger study to tell you just how flawed it is.
I always hoped one day we could have flying cars, but no matter how many Volvos I push out of nests, they never learn.
I hate to be that guy, but your mother and I are splitting up.
Oh, a big powerful plane can fly through the sky but needs a little buddy to push him around on the ground? Pathetic.