We were looking for someone who is my sister’s son, invites me to tap recitals, and doesn’t correct me at the Thanksgiving table when I say something racist.
At the hotel, I’m told I cannot pay for my room with Duolingo gems, even after I show them I have over 1,800.
Having never really engaged with the source material, I’m looking forward to seeing "The Odyssey" with fresh eyes.
After last year’s summer get-together dinner, and the not-so-fun harassment lawsuit with Dave and Buster’s staff, we’ve decided to make this a sober event.
You have decided to watch “London Has Fallen.” “London Has Fallen” is not “The Rainmaker.” I recommend you watch “The Rainmaker.”
Do you want to wear a neck brace every day for the rest of your life? My wife filed for divorce because she couldn’t stand to be seen with me.
I never saw myself as a Hamptons person. I also never saw myself at the center of a scandal on a Bravo reality show, but here we are.
I went to Davidson College. I was… I always forget the difference between Magna Cum Laude and Summa Cum Laude. Anyway, I was neither.
A friend accused me of sharing humble brags, so I had him removed from my yacht.
“No, I’m not saying I want to sell feet pics. I’m saying I’d like an appraisal.”
Funeral guests will be in mourning garb, as will most of the paranormal experience attendees, so you will need to confirm the purpose of the visit.
It seems obvious that this tool for organizing a multicultural liberal democracy would be perfect for organizing a short vacation for a group of friends who’ve slowly drifted apart since college.
What else was I supposed to do, take practical steps to be a better father and husband? Who has the time for that?
Gotta be those great New York fish. You seen these fish? New York fish have chutzpah. They've seen it all.
