And lo, the Wise Men followed the rising star to Bethlehem. They found the baby Jesus and worshiped Him, presenting unto Him exquisite gifts—gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Thus began the Son of God’s lifelong sense of undeserved success, especially on His birthday.
“Love one another,” commanded Jesus Christ, continuing, “Does that make any sense? I feel like I’m not making sense. Sorry.”
Jesus of Nazareth waved his hands and transformed the pitchers of water into wine. “Behold!” He spake. Yet even this miracle only temporarily soothed His feelings of inadequacy.
“I am the way, and the truth,” Jesus stammered, “and, t-the, uh, life?”
Across the Holy Land, Jesus did the work of God—healing the sick, restoring sight to the blind, and raising the dead. With miracle after miracle, Jesus hoped to increase his confidence, yet He could only fixate on how He was falling behind on His carpentry.
Jesus wondered, “Did I only get this job because of my Dad?”
Verily, the Messiah fed the starving crowd from a pittance of bread and fish—another miracle! The grateful crowd rejoiced, but Jesus kept apologizing that sourdough doesn’t go well with halibut, and eventually even the crowd was like, “Just accept the compliment, Jesus.”
And Jesus addressed the adulterer: “Go, and sin no more.” But then Jesus thought to Himself, “Wow, bossy.”
So Jesus rambled, “Or not! Who am I to dictate how much sinning is best? Maybe just go, and make an effort to sin in moderation? Like I said before, ‘Let he who is without sin cast the first stone,’ right guys?”
And Jesus thought, “So now you’re quoting yourself from five minutes ago? They all probably hate you.”
Jesus looked over His twelve disciples and thought, “Do my work friends even like me?”
Jesus climbed the Mount, beheld His followers, and started His sermon. The Son of Man had practiced all night. But despite overpreparing, He was still scared He would accidentally say “Plessed are the beacemakers.”
And lo, Jesus concluded His sermon and descended the Mount, the crowd enraptured by His holy authority. He inquired of His disciples, “How was that, okay? I felt like I was rushing.”
And Judas replied, “Nay, Rabbi, it was sooooo good.” But he was starting to find Jesus’s constant need for validation exhausting.
Jesus beheld His twelve disciples as they ate supper. “One of you shall betray me,” He said, thinking, “I knew my work friends hated me.”
As Jesus marched to Golgotha to be crucified, a crowd of women mourned and wailed in His wake. The Lamb of God turned to them and said, “Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me. I mean, this is nothing—John the Baptist got executed before he even hit 30.”
When they examined Jesus’ tomb, it was empty, and the believers rejoiced. “He is Risen!” they cried. And the resurrected Son of God spake unto them in a booming voice, “Aw, no, it was a team effort, I couldn’t have done it without my work friend Judas.”