When you get older, you start having conversations like this. PJ and I celebrate our old-man birthdays about a month apart.
PJ: So this 21-year-old chick and I have been hitting it off.
KC: Ugh.
PJ: Excuse me? Did I mention she was 21? That's so awesome!
KC: Yes. It's going to lose its cool in about 21 minutes after you start talking with her.
PJ: What? You're fucking crazy.
KC: Take it from me dude.
PJ: She's smart though.
KC: Dude, you're 30, almost 31. That means you've had almost ten more years on this Earth to learn shit. You're going to run out of shit you two can relate with really quickly. She probably thinks "Transformers" are nothing more than a couple of shitty Michael Bay movies with a really hot Megan Fox. You're G.I. Joe and Ninja Turtles. She's probably Power Rangers or Pokemon. Or maybe even something newer that we don't know about.
(Attention youngsters, this is what the real Devastator looks like. And he'll fuck up all the Pokemon and Power Rangers on the planet.)
PJ: That's a non-issue.
KC: Is it? Case in point. Besides the original cast, who was the greatest SNL lineup?
PJ: Easy. It's definitely Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Chris Rock and Phil Hartman.
KC: Well, yeah. But also, we were 15 years old when they were on. Nothing is ever as cool to you as something when you're 15. So she'll probably Chris Kattan or Jimmy Fallon or Horatio Sanz or some shit.
PJ: Phil Hartman was a fucking genius though! And Jimmy Fallon couldn't suck any more balls if he tried.
KC: True. But it doesn't stop there. And all the music and movies and shows you legitimately like, she'll think are corny retro things or "oldies."
PJ: That's not true. That's impossible!
KC: Nice Star Wars reference. Which brings me to my next point: All the movie quotes you say will fly right over her head. It will be like watching "Family Guy" with your grandparents from Venezuela. You'll constantly have to explain shit.
PJ: Slow down, you're blowing my fucking mind, KC.
KC: You ready for more?
PJ: No. But I have a feeling you'll lay it on anyway.
KC: In ten fucking years, when we're 41, we're going to say the same shit about 31-year-olds as we're saying about 21-year-olds right now.
PJ: KC. You just broke me. When did you get to be a bitter old man?
KC: Because my craps don't come easily any more, so I needed to trade Cap'n Crunch for bran flakes.