You Can Trust Me--I'm a Man Wearing Many Rings

You can trust me—I’m a man wearing many rings

You can trust me—I’m not like other guys. I’ve embraced my feminine side. Don’t you see my many rings?

Let me hold your drink for you while you powder your nose in the bathroom. Or whatever the girlies do in there. You can trust me, I’m not like other guys.

Look at my rings!

I know, I know, most guys are only interested in sex. That’s all they think about. I used to only be interested in sex. But then I went to therapy to address my many issues with women one time and started wearing rings.

Now I wear my heart on my sleeve. And like, all these cool rings. I promise, I don’t want anything casual. I’m very intentional. But I also will probably never want to marry you. And I also still really, REALLY want sex.

But we can talk about emotions! I have a lot of emotions, and I want to talk about them all, but first, let me tell you about my many rings.

They each have a story.

This one belonged to my grandma. She had huge hands. I snagged it off her dresser. Oh yeah, she’s still alive.

And this one I picked up in Costa Rica when I was backpacking. Ok, well not like backpacking backpacking, but traveling around you know? I had this crazy trip there and held hands with my inner child.

I love having just like deep, real conversations. It’s so hard to find a girl who you can really just connect with, you know?

Trust me, I love style, I got very into my personal style when I started wearing rings. You should see my vintage sweaters. And I have some tees I picked up from this guy at a cool pop-up.

I’m just very into self-expression. See? Look at my rings. I’m also growing out my hair, and one time, I painted my nails. I’m just really comfortable with my masculinity. A lot of guys don’t get it. But they haven’t read any Yung Pueblo or philosophy in general. None of my brothers understand. And yes, fraternity brothers.

Hey, what do you think of this one? You like it? Thanks, it’s a new ring.

If you ever come over, there are tampons in the bathroom if you need them. They’re in the cabinet under the little dish that I use to hold my many rings. I have another dish like that in the kitchen, for when I cook. You should come over some time, I can cook for you. No pressure though, I don’t want to seem like a weirdo. We can just talk and see where things go.

I was very into sports in high school, but I secretly always wanted to be a singer. I started getting way more in touch with my inner artist after I bought a silver ring at the craft market.

Oh, let me hold your purse for you. I don’t care what other people think. See, I’m already wearing so many rings.

I know, I can’t stop talking with my hands.

I loved Moonlight.

Yeah, I think I could have gone pro with baseball if I hadn’t hurt my elbow junior year.

I own three candles.

No, you can trust me—besides, I totally get that, my best friend is a girl. Yeah, she gave me this ring.

I think I’m in love with you.