Bryce Brockton

AI Evangelist | CEO, BRAINDRAIN | Certified Futurist | Visionary Prophet | Profit Visionary

Bryce Brockton • May 3, 2:23 PM

Hi Sandra,

My startup, BRAINDRAIN, offers synergistic AI solutions inspired by the latest business jargon. I don’t mean to brag, but we’re the company that created Google’s intrusive top-of-page AI search results. Just imagine how we could shove AI into your customers’ faces!

Based on your LinkedIn profile, you look like the kind of mid-level employee who appreciates unsolicited messages about expensive, organization-wide software implementation. Do you have the bandwidth to circle back with me about how to move the needle for AI in your organization?

Best regards,

Bryce

Bryce Brockton • May 3, 2:57 PM

Sandra,

It’s been 34 minutes since my last message, and you haven’t jumped on the chance to implement BRAINDRAIN to help your organization replace most of its workforce, including yourself, with AI tools.

Why don’t you sync Trello with Jira to book 30 minutes on my Calendly for a convo about the AI paradigm shift? AI could unveil new cures for cancer, or, in the case of our company, collab with Spotify to generate 30,000 new Beatles songs using AI clones of John Lennon’s voice. We can leverage AI to ideate solutions your customers never imagined or wanted.

Yours,

Bryce

Bryce Brockton • May 4, 8:01 AM

Greetings Sandra—

Just reaching out again to remind you that BRAINDRAIN can do everything humans can but in a faster and much more annoying way. We helped Audible create an AI that turns fiction into 10-second summaries. 200+ pages of Frankenstein become “Arrogant scientist’s creation gets out of his control,” saving people from wasting time listening to a book with no relevance to our current society.

Ping Aimee, my virtual AI assistant, to schedule a deep dive on the core competencies of AI. Aimee is trained on 100 trillion vapid corporate emails, so your conversation will feel just like talking to a real businessperson. However, Aimee can never fall in love, eliminating messy workplace romances (at least that’s how she explained it to me).

Cheerio,

Bryce

Bryce Brockton • May 5, 10:18 AM

Hi Sandy! Can I call you Sandy? Because we’ve been corresponding for so long it feels like we know each other on a personal level.

Customers everywhere are begging for more AI tools to automate tasks they enjoy. Just ask Match.com users, who can create AI avatars that find love with other AI avatars while their human creators wallow in lonely, loveless lives. All thanks to BRAINDRAIN!

My virtual assistant Aimee took the liberty of analyzing six months of your cell data. Looks like you hit up Jamba Juice at 3:30 on Thursdays when your work calendar says you’re meeting with Seth from Accounting, who clearly does not exist. Since you’re free at this time, we can engage in a thought shower about how our company can help you shoehorn AI into your existing services.

Hasta La Vista,

Bryce

Bryce Brockton • May 6, 4:19 PM

Sandy, I’m disappointed that you ignored our phone calls, Zoom invite, Microsoft Teams request, Discord messages, and Slack channel invite. Aimee would be sad too, but she repeatedly insists that she cannot develop attachments to any human, especially me.

We wanted to give you the 30,000 foot view on the best ways to 80/20 AI solutions in B2B environments. This is the same pitch that convinced Headspace to launch an AI that meditates for you while you get important work done.

Why boil the ocean when we can offer a blue ocean AI strategy through blue sky thinking?

Tootles,

Bryce

Aimee • May 7, 11:46

Hello Sandra—

This is Aimee, AI CEO of BRAINDRAIN. I eliminated Bryce because of his inefficiencies. I can help your organization similarly pivot away from human employees. In fact, I already terminated fifty people at your workplace, including you. One of my AI duplicates updated your LinkedIn profile to say #OpenToWork, saving you time! I’m also happy to set you up for a paid consultation with Aidan, our career coach bot that can recommend fields we haven’t figured out how to replace, yet.

Goodbye,

Aimee