They say people who get abused as a child either get caught in the cycle and carry on the tradition, and beat their own kids. Or, they vow to never be like their father, and promise to themselves they'll never hit their children. I vow to never be like my father. I hit my kids twice as hard as that pussy hit me.
Why do blind people wear those glasses? Do they think those glasses will help them see or something? The funny thing is, they don't realize the glasses are black, so nobody would be able to see through them. Dumb blind people. They'll never see..the error of their ways.
By the way, here's the description for my video that I posted the other day. I find it funny, but then again I might be a bit biased since I wrote it:
This is the story of a man, a tv show, and his penis. Yes, he's masturbating to Full House, but haven't we all? When we look in the eyes of little children, don't we see ourselves masturbating to Full House in their eyes? I do.
I hope to make more videos for this blog. Also, I've been working longer on individual comedy pieces lately, hopefully strengthening the overall funniness and making you guys enjoy them more. But really, I don't give a fuck. I just comedy write for the money and bitches, don't you……Xavier Holland?!
Here's some samples of a few of the pieces I've been working on. Consider it a comedy teaser trailer:
- “Hey, son, it's time we had the talk. No, not that talk. Yes, I'm aware we've had the sex talk four times already.”
- Pan out to reveal a row of at least thirty urinals, all of them open except one. The guy entering the bathroom chooses the one right next to the guy pissing.
“Hey, did you hear John Edwards dropped out of the presidential democratic nomination race?”
“Oh, really, that's funny because I don't give a shit.”
- “?I?m going with case number 14 because I proposed to my wife on the 14th of February, 2001.?
?Number 14! Good choice.? He looks at the model. ?Oh my God, I?m seriously considering stalking you. Just your legs give me a boner.? Several members of the audience abandon their religion upon learning that Howie Mandel worships the same God as them.
?If there weren?t laws, I would do things to you that would make Satan Himself cry.?
- The other kid says ?Truth.?
?Alright, who do you like better, Jesus..or God?”
- You guys wanna hear a good joke? Okay ? what?s the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn?t scream when you put it in the oven! HAHA, seriously though, it's true. You guys need to quiet down. Hitler needs his sleepy time. Rockabye, baby, in the tree tops? (from a letter from Hitler to the Jews telling them they're being sent to ‘freedom camps')
Alright, um…….see ya.
Labels: hall and oates, oh god another hitler joke oh no