As many of you may know, my 21st birthday was yesterday.
This means that I'm feeling like shit. I've got a headache, heartburn, and my shit is coming out in gushes. I can't remember who I've seen, who I haven't and I seriously cannot find my shoes.
But, one thing has stuck with me in the hours upon hours upon hours of being drunk (32 hours), is a game that I developed to pass some time last night.
It's the card game that I MADE UP. It's Nick Gaudio's.
It's called, “Your Mom”
First, you get…say…4 people (can be more or less)
You put a deck of cards in the middle of the table and allow each person one card to draw.
If, say, the first person draws a 4 of clubs, nothing happens. The next person draws a card.
The game is based on diamonds. That is, the people who pull diamonds gets to do something. And that is, my friends…if the person who pulls the card gets a 4 of diamonds yells, FOUR DIAMONDS TO YOUR MOTHER and points at another player.
This player is now on defense. The person who pulled the 4 of diamonds just insulted him offensievely. So, the defensive player must choose to be a little bitch, drink four and admit that his mother liked the diamonds…OR…he may risk it.
By risking it, he must guess the next card's suit correctly by saying, “No, your momlikes cock” or “No I fucked your Mom” or “No, I beat YOUR Mom.”
Each suit corresponds with a different action for your mom.
Hearts- Love/Fuck
Clubs-Beatings/Violence
Diamonds-just Diamonds
Spades-Penis/Cock/etc.
(Note: to clarify, if the word dick or a synonym is used, it negates to spades unless the player outright calls “hearts” or “clubs” after).
There is a risk involved though. Because if you get it wrong, the next card adds with the card you were supposed to drink.
So there's a jack of diamonds (worth 10) pulled, and the douche says “ten diamonds for your mom, bitch.” then you say, “no. ten bitch-slaps on your mother's cunt (clubs)” and you pull a 6 of clubs in your defensive turn, the douche has to drink 16.
If you said that, though, and drew a seven of hearts, you'd have to drink 17.
Of course, all face cards are worth ten.
If a diamond is drawn on a defensive turn, that player is allowed to give out drinks too. If he guesses correctly, the offending douche has to drink still. The defensive seven is played out, but remember: the offensive rotation remains the same after the new diamond is defended.
The Basic rule is…any time a diamond is turned over, that person gets to give diamonds to mothers (drinks to players) away.
The only other rule involves Queens. Whenever a Queen is drawn, everybody yells “YOUR DAD!” and points to a person at the table. The person with the most points drinks 10. If all the points are separated out, the drinks are dispersed to the tying members. If “your dad” is not yelled or somebody yells “your mom” that person has to take ten drinks. Because you're saying “your mom!” so often, this is somewhat difficult to remember.
To make the game run smoother, try separating out diamonds from the rest of the pile. For easier guessing on defensive turns, separate out each suit (socials come in to affect when two of the same # card are drawn and laid down in a suit's pile).
It's much easier when you play it…and damn does it get ya fucked up.
So…I'm off to go sleep.
P.S.-If you actually read this, props to you. I need an advil.
P.P.S.- Where are my goddamned SHOES?!