All right, the truth is I don't really feel like writing right now. After five days in St. Louis followed by an afternoon/evening in Atlanta with Court and his lovely girlfriend (who I'm not really sure I'm allowed to name here), followed by my third early morning flight in six days, well, I could really give a damn about writing right now. I'm frazzled.
But this is the last week. And it would be a shame to pull off a whole year of game picking and just miss the last week, right?
Also, before you even bother to ask, Stoner Chick is still not talking to me and thusly, not here for the picks. Sorry all. But especially you, SC. That was my bad.
Anyway, on to the picks. Home teams in CAPS.
REDSKINS (+21/2) over Giants
This Giants season just smells like it's gonna end with a colossal collapse, a fired coach and a pissed off fan base.
Also, I want this on the record: If the Giants win this game, then three of my next picks change (because the playoff picture drastically changes if the Giants win).
Bills (+91/2) over RAVENS
I believe the Ravens will win this game, but there is no way in hell I can buy the ten points. Sorry, I just don't have the currency. Christmas time and all that.
BEARS (+3) over Packers
I know the Bears need this game about as badly as I need a drinking problem, but I can't see the Packers being too up to playing this game, either. By the way, I hope to God that Brett Favre retires. I'm curious to know if the Packers have a team.
Not for nothing, but if this game were the only one on at my house, I'd just elect to take a nap before kickoff in an attempt to accelerate the inevitable.
BENGALS (-6) over Steelers
I had the privilege of a layover in Cincinnati (the first time I'd ever been to the town) and everything I now know about the town will fit neatly into the next three sentences.
If you're ever in the Cincinnati airport, try the Skyline Chili.
Cincinnati has the most smoker-friendly airport I've ever seen.
Okay, maybe I only learned two things, but I was only there for like ninety minutes.
COWBOYS (-121/2) over Lions
If you're the Lions, how could you not be planning a long vacation during this game? I mean, I know NFL players are motivated and all that, but man, this is a two win team. And if you're wondering where the joke is in this paragraph, it's up at the top, right after “over.”
TEXANS (-41/2) over Browns
Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Who Cares Bowl, brought to you by apathy. Apathy: because you just don't give a damn.
Dolphins (+9) over COLTS
This spread is an insult to both Crockett and Tubbs.
Jaguars (+21/2) over CHIEFS
This is gonna be a hell of a game. I love the whole “two teams knocking the crap out of each other in an effort to fight for a playoff slot that may not be there anyway.” That's always a great game.
Rams (-21/2) over VIKINGS
If the Giants win on Saturday, flip this around the other way, please.
Thanks, so much.
Panthers (-3) over SAINTS
Ditto.
JETS (-121/2) over Raiders
If the Raiders keep Art Shell on for next year, I am gonna do my best to get a job with the Oakland Raider organization. I'm a big fan of job security.
Falcons (+9) over EAGLES
As I was getting on the plane in Atlanta this morning, a fellow passenger tossed a pillow to his friend but missed by about three feet and hit a young woman (who was naturally not very upset because it was, after all, just a fucking pillow). The intended recipient of the pillow looked at his friend and said, “Nice toss, Vick.”
And I couldn't tell if they were being sarcastic or not.
Also, this is one of those picks that flips if the Giants win.
BUCS (-3) over Seahawks
Hey, football announcers, we get it. The Bucs have had no continuity at the quarterback position. You've said it every week for two months. Please stop.
TITANS (-3) over Patriots
Everyone sing it now:
Vince Young wins football games.
That is all he does.
No time for food or dames,
And it's all because
Vince Young wins football games
And you know he does.
BRONCOS (-9) over 49ers
For his sake, I hope Cutler's not letting Plummer mentor him. If Plummer were mentoring me at QB, I would tune him out and mentally study my game plan every time he tried to give me advice.
Cardinals (+131/2) over CHARGERS
I just don't see Marty pouring on the points in the last game of the season. That's just not his style.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm master of ceremonies for a wedding in Ft. Myers pretty soon (seriously) and I have to get going.
Last week: 7-8-1
Regular Season Record: 108-122-10
Labels: NFL_picks