Me: Hey, man. I'm looking for Mike.
Ryan: Hey, are you Nathan?
Me: Yup.
Ryan: You don't look anything like your picture on the site.
Me: Yeah, well?
Matt: Why don't we go to the beach or something?
Mike: Dude, I'm too lazy for that.
Me: Surprising.
Matt: Yeah, but that's like a great response. I mean, what can you say to that except, ‘yes you are'?
Me: Good point.
Mike: Fucker, don't leave your beer in the freezer over night.
Me: Of course I won't. What kind of an asshole do you take me for?
Mike: Hey fucker, you left a beer in the freezer after giving me a pile of shit about how you would never do that.
Me: Yeah, well?
Ryan: You opened the fucking door while my girlfriend was in there naked. What was I supposed to do?
Mike: Dude, it was an accident. Do you think I want to see your girlfriend naked?
Me: That's fucking funny, right there.
Me: Mike, do you realize that every time I've hung out with you, someone has taken you down in a living room?
Mike: Dude, we've only hung out twice.
Me: I'm just saying, keep the streak alive.
Meredith: Mike's actually like a really smart guy. You wouldn't think it. You know, since he's so? Mike. But he is.
Me: If you say so.
Matt: How much would you pay to see Lee Corso do a keg stand?
Me: Probably like fifty bucks, but you know, that raises a larger question.
Matt: Like what?
Me: Who would you most like to see do a keg stand?
Matt: Condoleeza Rice. Most definitely.
Me: Damn, that's a good one.
Mike: Hey fucker, you ready to go to the Alligator Farm, drink a few beers and watch the turtles fuck?
Me: I think you know that I am.
Me: We just drove fifteen minutes so you guys could get to a fish taco stand?
Mike: Dude, it's Nalu's.
Matt: I'd drive an hour for this shit, right here.
Me: An hour?
Matt: Have you ever tried Nalu's?
Me: No.
Matt: Then you don't know what you're talking about, do you?
Me: Good point.
Me: Dude, don't buy Bud Light. I hate Bud Light.
Matt: You'll deal.
Me: Fuck. I guess I'll deal, then.
Labels: snippets