There is a great debate currently raging in the world today. That debate has become more and more controversial with each passing second. Now naturally, if any debate is really important, then I am required by Catholic doctrine to throw my proverbial hat into the onion ring (or whatever) and solve this problem. By the time I'm done with this issue, there will be no more debate. I'm that smart. Really. Just ask my mom.
This debate stems from the following question: should we get rid of preseason football games?
The answer is, obviously, yes. We don't need to watch preseason football because the level of play is weak, the games are unimportant and as such, very few upper tier players actually play in preseason games, resulting in bland and boring football. I mean, preseason football is almost painful to watch. Kind of like cripple porn.
Now, that being said, er typed, I think the ESPN talking heads are missing the big picture when they constantly scream about the importance of getting rid of these games. You see, getting rid of preseason football games is actually a horrible idea because, by getting rid of preseason games, you are removing football from my television. And that is an unholy idea. I think the guy who confessed to raping and killing JonBenet Ramsey would even agree with that one. And I hear he's about as sane as Ross Perot on crack in a gay bathhouse.
So, if we agree that we don't need four preseason games (and we do) and we agree that we don't want to remove any football games from my television (and we do), then we must conclude that the only thing we can really do to solve this problem is get rid of two or three preseason games and replace them with (drum roll motherfucker)? regular season games.
I'm a freaking genius, ain't I?
So, with more regular season games in place, instead of Clinton Portis and company complaining about getting injured in preseason games that don't matter, they can get injured in regular season games that do matter and shut the hell up about it. Furthermore, the owners can make more money, I can watch two or three more important games and everyone on ESPN can find a new topic to beat to within an inch of Barbaro's life (by the way, how are Terrell Owens and Bill Parcells doing? Haven't heard about them for nine seconds).
Some of you may think that this is a bad idea. And I can understand why you feel that way. You feel that way because you're stupid.
Seriously, this is a genius idea. Debate over.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna take a bow.