Normally, I would let this type of inanity slide, but I got up on the left side of the bed this morning. Original nonsense in bold. My nonsense in regular typeface.
A True Boyfriend –
What a real man would do….
Part of me was hoping that she would say “possess testicles” and leave it at that. But alas. Today was truly a left side of bed day.
• Grab her neck when you kiss her, it's a real turn on. Not her butt/boobs.
True boyfriends sound an awful lot like rapists. Or erotic asphyxiasts.
• Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.
True boyfriends are apparently not only horrid conversationalists, they also have no economic sense. True boyfriends will get brain cancer because they stay on the phone when nobody is saying anything, leaving hundreds of thousands of dollars in romantic debt to their true children.
• When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go then kiss her.
True boyfriends don't have very good grammar or social skills. Rather than ask why “she's” mad, true boyfriends attempt to smother her feelings. Awesome.
• When she says she's ok dont believe it talk with her
True boyfriends are annoying fucks who don't ever leave anyone alone. They cause people to not be ok with their incessant questioning. True boyfriends date true girlfriends who are too immature to express themselves cogently. Kind of like whoever wrote this…thing.
• Never cheat on her because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
True boyfriends know the real reason not to cheat on your significant other is the fact that she, unlike Leonard from Memento, does not suffer from retrograde amnesia. Unless she does. Then, it's like, totally cool.
• Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
True boyfriends wake her up before she has work, causing her to be groggy and unfocused and lose her job. But hey, at least you can spend more true time together.
• Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
True boyfriends call an awful lot for people who have nothing to say on the phone. I sure hope true boyfriend's have the same schedule as her, because otherwise, this would be annoying and clingy.
I take that back. It's annoying and clingy anyway.
• Treat her like a person and not something to show off for
True boyfriends are capable of not treating her like a cat, or a DVD collection, or the Democratic primaries. She is a PERSON, and don't you forget it.
• Tease her and let her tease you back.
True boyfriends know that jiggling her “love handles” is FUNNY. hAHAH True boyfriends. You slay me. Only a true boyfriend could understand teasing.
• Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
True boyfriends know the last thing you want is sleep when you're ill. True boyfriends don't have jobs.
• Watch her favorite movie with her.
Excellent. Everybody wants to watch their favorite movie with a true boyfriend who won't enjoy it and will subtly but persistently indicate that he wants to be anywhere else.
• TRUST HER WITH HER GUY FRIENDS
She TOLD you False Boyfriend, she had NO IDEA how all that semen got in her hair. Jesus, a True Boyfriend wouldn't be so jealous.
• Let her wear your clothes.
True boyfriends date fat chicks.
• When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.
If I were hanging out with a True Boyfriend, I would be bored and sad too.
• Let her know she's important.
True boyfriends let her know that she's pretty much all he has in the world by being clingy and overbearing. True boyfriends know this is the right thing to do because the internet told them.
• Kiss her in the pouring rain.
Get pneumonia.
• When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; “Who's ass am I kicking babe?”
True boyfriends get beat up a lot for no reason. True boyfriends try to solve every problem with violence.
Chuck Norris is a true boyfriend.
If you do post this in the next four minutes the one your love will :
•Call you.
•Kiss you.
•Love you.
•Text you.
Unless you don't have a love. Then, haha, sucks for you. Also, I like that the third one down is love you. Your love will love you?
Well I'm inspired.
Girls post as: “A true boyfriend.”
Girls, post this as “I don't read anything more intelligent than CosmoGirl.”
Guys post as: “I'd be this boyfriend”
Guys, please don't post this.
Labels: love