my sexual fantasy is basically your every day. i see a hot girl in the grocery store wearing a tight skirt. then she bends over and i see she is actually a hot man. then it is revealed that she is wearing a strap on dildo. she alerts the manager that i am stuffing pudding in my jeans. that guy is stuffing his trousers with vanilla pudding, she will say. she will be lying. it will actually be banana pudding, but the manager will not care.
the manager will frisk me roughly while wearing a george bush mask. i am taking your civil liberties and your pudding, he will say. not the pudding i say. yes, yes, even the pudding he will reply.
i will leave weeping. the hot dildowoman will offer to console me. we will walk out to the parking lot where she will push me into a dark van and drive me to another supermarket. she will insist that i stay in the car while she purchases cherry lubricant. not strawberry not raspberry. that is not sexy. cherry. she will come back into the van. she will put on a kennedy mask and say, ask not what uranus can do for you, but ask what you can do for your anus. i will not get the joke. she will gesture towards the lube.
then some sodomy.
afterwards we will cry together and have bagels spread with cherry lube-flavored cream cheese.
i would be willing to pay upward of 20 euros to have this happen. i would be paying in american dollars. but i will have written euro on them.
Labels: Paul Frank