Turk: What's the dizzle my whizzle nizzle?
JD: Chocolate bear, I got a problem.
Turk: I'm black!
JD: Yeah, I know chocolate bear, but it's this Elliot thing. I can't remember if it's time for me to have nauseating sexual tension with her.
Turk: Aren't you gay or something? I thought you wanted a taste of the king-sized Chocolate bar?
“The Todd”: The Todd wants a taste of that phallus. Show the Todd some love!
JD: I wonder what it would be like if black people tasted like chocolate?
(Cue fantasy sequence which features JD in a prison going around tasting all of the black inmates, who look on menacingly. Also JJ Walker is there.)
JD: I would need a lot of whipped cream.
Dr. Cox: CHHHeeeaars the deal Rebecca, I'm going to need this EKG for the patient in bed two. He's in a coma and has complete liver failure, and I'm while I'm pretty sure he's still more competent than you are, that fancy degree that you got while comparing mousse texture with the rest of your sorority means that you have to play doctor for a little bit. And I don't mean play doctor like what your uncle Lester did that one…
four hours later…
got it whatever-girls-name I called you?
JD: Man I want to gobble that dude's penis.
“The Todd”: High Five!
Seinfeld:
(George enters apartment)
George: I'm busting, Jerry, I'm busting!
Jerry: Slow down, Biff. What's this all about?
George: Despite the fact that I have no redeeming qualities, and am in fact, short, bald and loathsome, I have yet another attractive woman interested in me!
Jerry: What are you, on a sitcom?
George: There's a catch
Jerry: Here it comes.
George: She sometimes likes to mix different types of bubble bath.
Jerry: Ahhhhh, a bubblebath-mixer. I dated one in college.
George: How did that go?
Jerry: Didn't end well. Is she at least mixing decent types, like strawberry and cherry?
George: I saw her mix almond and lilac.
Jerry: Ahhhh, an almondlilac-mixer.
George: Can I really be with someone who would mix almond…and lilac? What kind of person DOES such a thing?
Jerry: A sick person.
(Enter Kramer, sliding into the room)
Jerry: Kramer, I'm sorry, but audiences have deemed your antics no longer funny, in light of recent, obvious, events.
Kramer: You disembowel one hooker…
Jerry: What?
Kramer: What?
(Exit Kramer, Enter Elaine. Elaine takes great pains to avoid being contaminated by Kramer)
Elaine (apropos of nothing): GET OUT!
Sex and the City:
Mildly Hot One: I just couldn't see touching a guys penis before getting married.
Oldish Slut: Me neither. That's what mouths are for.
Horsie: Has anybody ever found it curious that I seem to go from having a lot of money to have a little bit depending on what the script needs?
Lesbian: I have a lot of money. Too bad I'm a lesbian in a little boy's body.
Oldish Slut: Little boys have the juciest little wangs.
Mildly Hot One: I love kids. I want lots of them, so I can treat them like nice, nice furniture.
Lesbian: Delicious, delicious children.
Horsie: Seriously, where does my money come from?
Oldish Slut: Vibrators?
Lesbian: I dated a vibrator once. It was a better conversationalist than most of the men I've dated.
Oldish Slut: Men have the juciest wangs.