C:\> cd games
C:\GAMES> cd bored and restless
C:\GAMES\BOREDOMTAKESITSTOLL\ textbased.exe
Boredom and Friends: What Happened Last Night?
Copyright (c) 2007 Lopatka Inc. All rights reserved.
Loading saved game. Please wait.
Game loaded.
Summary: You are still naked in a dorm room, but you have gotten rid of your headache. You have found 1 possible clue: the sex toys/med-evil torture devices.
>Look under beds.
You look underneath the sheet-less bed to find several dirty doodles by the sexually frustrated, a box of matches, one pair of long pants, and a cell phone. Underneath the clean and made up bed is several textbooks, music cds by various “American Idols,” and guide to being a complete tool.
>Grab pants, matches, and cell phone.
You stretch underneath the sheet-less bed and pull out the pants. Unfortunately, the pants send the matches flying out of your reach. Giving up on the idea of being able to light somebody’s cigarette in exchange for conversation, you use your leg to kick the cell phone towards you. I am amazed that even one of your legs fit underneath the bed.
You stand up, grasping your little treasures as if someone would bother to steal from bed-headed nudist.
>Put on pants.
In a fit of morality, you quickly stuff your legs into the pants. Even though they were your pants to begin with, you can’t help but notice how tight they seem particularly around the middle. Have you ever thought about laying off the chocolates for once?
>Check voice-mail.
“You have one unheard message. First unheard message:
“Honey, it’s your mother. I know that Jamie dumped you for the business major, but I think it’s time you met new people. You remember Jess, right? Jess was in your Sunday School Class when you were little. Well Jess is in town this week and would be nice if you came home to catch up for old time’s sake. I don’t understand why you want to stay at the university. You know it becomes a ghost town during the summer. Well, I guess I’ll have to talk to you later since you refuse to acknowledge my existence.”
To delete this message press 7, to save it in the archives press-“
>Press 7.
Deleting your own mother’s message? Heartless.
>Check missed calls
0 missed calls.
>Damn.
Watch your mouth!
>Turn on light.
The need to waste electricity and add to the world’s problems has overcome your sensibilities and makes you turn on the light even though it is a little after noon and the sun is streaming through the windows.
>Look in wardrobe, take out water bottle, and drink from water bottle.
The wardrobe contains various liquor bottles, red solo cups, a female consideration kit, a water bottle, and various articles of clothing from previous conquests. A keg peeks out from the clothing of a thousand casual encounters.
You grab the water bottle which smells questionable.
Taking a swing of what might as well be carpet cleaner; you drink of the water bottle. The taste of whiskey fills your mouth. Realizing that you are pretty much asking for a trip to the poison control center (due to the painkiller you took earlier), you spew whiskey from mouth and fulfill your dream of becoming an alcoholic fountain of glory.
>Jump up once.
Further evidence of your pointless is born anew. You jump into the air. Your jump measured a very modest 2 inches.
>Throw hands in the air like I just don’t care.
With the rhythm and rhyme let the music flow.
>Get nude.
Your pants have been dropped to your ankles. I think you might be a little bit special.
>Go outside.
You trip on your pants. Realizing how stupid it was to start acting like a pant-less fool, you pull your pants up ‘cause “Mommy Wow! You’re a big kid now.”
>Roam nearest campus.
You are in a dorm room. You are already on campus. Would you like to stand in the closest room? Really? ‘Cause you’re there!
>Blow everything with a dick that walks by.
You stand for several hours waiting for anything with a dick to walk by. You give up after the sunsets and the depression within rises.
>Scratch crotch.
Boy, that feels good.
>Look outside the window.
Outside the window, there is
>Watch baseball game.
The home team is winning.
>Use a word my momma wouldn’t like.
Poop.
>Furiously masturbate until climax.
You begin to masturbate only to discover that in this game you are the opposite gender.
If you are straight: Tears come to your eyes as you realize how unsatisfying you are as lover. Unable to climax, you start dialing past lovers to apologize.
If you are gay: You climax within an instant and call all of the people of the opposite gender that had a crush on you to apologize.
If you desire anything that moves: stop masturbating to video games.
>Lick hand clean.
You lick your hands clean of dirt, poo, blood, snot, vagina juice, and semen. You’re a dirty little perv who should wash their hands more often.
>Go outside.
Finally escaping the room before the captor of the rest of your clothes returns, you reach the outside. The night has fallen, and the bars are open for business like so many prostitutes on a fine summer’s day.
>Plant a bruce spruce for the children to enjoy.
You plant a tree in hopes that society will forgive you for all your previous transgressions because you did something for the children. The world does not work this way. You must donate large sums of money for past transgressions to be forgotten.
Please leave suggestions as to what the protagonist will do next. I promise to incorporate every action that you suggest in the order that it was suggested. (The deadline for suggestions is 5:00pm tomorrow. Knock yourselves out.)
P.S. Thank you PFY, Thundering Jack, Anony, Leslie, Wiggles, and DJ Bobo.
Labels: all the readers are pervs, another series, text based adventure games