Questions a Pet Owner Asks about Puppy Bath Time or Questions My Showerhead Asks about My Bath Time

1. Why does she complain when it’s time for a bath but then complain when it’s time to get out?
2. Is it normal for her to drink water right out of the faucet? What about the bathwater?
3. Her tummy is getting flabby. Is she eating too many treats?
4. Should I be worried that she sometimes sits there with the water spraying her in the face?
5. Why is she always trying to lick herself?
6. She accidentally ate some soap. She’ll just poop that out, right?
7. Sometimes she makes sounds like an aardvark gagging on a cueball. Is she singing?
8. There’s one super long tuft of hair on her ass. Should it be trimmed?
9. Is it okay for a nipple to be that shape?
10. There’s a flaky patch of skin on her back. Is it bad that she keeps scratching at it?
11. Sometimes she puts her head underwater and holds it there for a while. Is she testing fate?
12. She tried to hump the faucet. Should she be introduced to a mate?
13. Why does she cry so much?
14. Did she mean to pee on her rubber ducky?
15. Sometimes she paces back and forth in the tub. Is this from existential anxiety?
16. Why is she always putting her crotch in my face?
17. She chewed off part of her nail and swallowed it. Is that going to hurt when it comes back out?
18. As soon as she’s wrapped up in the towel she starts to hump it. She needs a mate, right?

2, 5, 9, 10, 14, 18: Pet owner's questions
4, 7, 11, 13, 16: Showerhead's questions
1, 3, 6, 8, 17: Both
15: Might be both but I’m not a puppy so I really can’t say
12: Let’s pretend this is just about the puppy