Dave: Nice face, Raggedy Andy.
Dave: Nice face, Raggedy Andy.
Me: Hey man, I have popped blood vessels in my face. Show some sympathy.
Dave: No.
Me: So, what made you decide to come to Skipper’s?
Vera: I’m not a stripper. I’m a waitress.
Me: No. I asked you why you decided to come here.
Vera: Why else? I came to America to make money.
Me: No, why did you come here, to this bar: Skipper’s?
Vera: Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just so used to answering the same questions. I’m waiting for you to ask me how I like it in America, like everyone else.
Me: Do people usually ask you if you’re a stripper?
Vera: I’ve been told I look like a stripper.
Me: My name’s Nate.
Dennis: I don’t think those guys like me.
Me: Who cares?
Dennis: I think I’m scaring them off or something. What do you think?
Me: I don’t know.
Dennis: Why don’t you ask them for me?
Me: Because I don’t care.
Dennis: You really don’t give a fuck about anything do you?
Me: I like fried chicken.
Me: So I’d really like a chance to hang out with you again.
Vera: Yes, that would be nice.
Me: I mean, I feel a nice vibe here. You seem like a cool girl.
Vera: Thanks. You seem very nice and funny. And cute.
Me: Thanks. So…
Vera: So, are you going to ask me for my number?
Me: I guess I was waiting for you to suggest that.
Vera: I guess I just did.
Me: I’m really slick, huh?
Vera: Oh yeah. You are super cool.
Dennis: How’d you get that hot brunette chick to dance around like that?
Me: She asked me to guess how old she was, so I said, ‘that’s awesome, an excuse to blatantly check you out.’ And she just started gyrating around.
Dennis: Dude, you made that happen. You have a gift.
Me: You are very drunk.
Me: All right, I’m calling your phone to make sure you didn’t give me a fake number.
Vera: I’m not that kind of girl. If I didn’t like you, you wouldn’t get a number, period.
Me: I don’t know about that. I come off pretty intimidating. You may be trying to blow me off.
Vera: Trust me, you would know if I was trying to blow you.
Me: Okay, you know that’s not what I meant.
Vera: You don’t want me to blow you?
Me: Now, you’re just messing with me.
Me: If you were a professional athlete, would you use steroids?
Dave: If I had to, then I’d have to.
Me: Wow, that was deep.
Brian: So do you make any money off that web site?
Me: No.
Brian: So what do you get?
Me: Readers, I hope.
Brian: Yeah, they’re hard to find.
Chris: I have an idea for your snippets.
Me: You can’t have an idea for the snippets. They just happen.
Steve: Like babies.
Chris: No seriously, you should just go around and ask a whole bunch of women how they feel about their vaginas. The responses would be priceless, and you could have a whole bunch of vagina snippets.
Me: And a whole lot less women to choose from.
Chris: You just don’t know a good idea when you hear one.