Daily funny articles by seasoned comedy writers and fresh voices. Best of Year | Editors' Picks | People's Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
3:34 AM: Still up. I’ve repeated the song so many times that I’m starting to see some of its lyrical flaws.
Is it time to overthrow the self-doubt that has plagued your absurd, tender heart for all these months? Subtract eight points if your heart is neither tender nor absurd.
I’m not sure if you are aware that my hands were a little wet when the pickle jar was passed to me.
"you’re a shooting star" -- This needs context. Most players do shoot at some point during the game. But not many are true stars.
Got a haircut and started showering every day. And I’m pretty sure he got my Michael Scott tattoo removed, but he won’t let me see.
It was good to hear the inside of my mouth also looked "healthy, but super grody, you know, like mouths are."
I’m not very good with computers, could you clarify what you mean by “you somehow attached your son to your previous email rather than your story”?
Soon, I’ll have to decide which to marry. For now, we do a lot of courtship. One of them might stare at me, and I stare back.
I’m going to call for an exorcist soon, and it just won’t do for her to be in her typical house-wear of leggings and a cozy sweater when he arrives.
She rolls into my office like one of those rotating hot dogs at 7-11. You know the ones, plastic-y but intriguing.
The Gingerbread House from Hansel and Gretel: Start a new magical chapter in your storybook with this enchanted cottage built entirely out of candy!
No, of course not. It's no big deal. This happens to everyone. Right? Everyone has little involuntary muscle spasms sometimes.