I’m a Gourmet Pepper Mill Who Doesn’t Belong at This Thanksgiving Dinner by David Henne|November 22, 2023
The Only Thanksgiving Topic We Can’t Discuss: The Cornucopia Grapes by Jeremy Hooper|November 21, 2023
Look, We Need to Extend Your Appointment Window Again by Jeff Bender and Grace Fetterman|November 16, 2023
Six Seduction Tips So Saucy They’ll Convince Your Husband to Murder the King of Scotland by Sara Nicole|November 15, 2023
Uncle Steve’s Offensive Driving Course for Young Drivers: A Syllabus by Tatiana Tomley|November 10, 2023
I’m Only on This Dating App Ironically, Unless You’re Interested in Falling in Love or Something by Peter Clark-Deutsch|November 9, 2023
What You (a Humble, Highly-Skilled Nepalese Sherpa) Can Learn from Me (a Rich, Inexperienced Western Thrill-Seeker) About Climbing Mount Everest by Doug Kolic|November 8, 2023
I’d Like to Have Kids, but I’m Not Sure It’s Ethical to Bring Children into a World Where Their Dad Would Be Me by Simon Henriques|November 6, 2023
This Halftime Locker Room Speech Seems as Good a Time as Any to Confess to My Killing Spree by Josh Long|November 4, 2023
It Helps to Think of Europe as a Powder Keg, a Thing We Can All Picture by Troy Doetch|November 3, 2023
The Ultimate Best Toastiest Toast Recipe of ALL Time, Seriously, by à la Katie by Mark Carlson|November 1, 2023
Back, Demon! Your Name Gives Me Dominion Over You– Uh, As Soon As I Remember It by Mike Langley|October 31, 2023
Are You Starring in a Horror Movie or Sharing a House with Small Children? by Mary Flannery|October 30, 2023
8-Year-Old Going Trick or Treating, or 28-Year-Old Looking for a Good Paying Job? by Justin Avery Smith|October 27, 2023
I’m the Adult in This Horror Movie and You Kids Better Not Be Doing Anything Supernatural in There by Scarlet Meyer|October 25, 2023
Seven Things That Seem Spooky but Are Completely Normal Parts of Staying at a Cabin in Fall by Sarah Gardner|October 24, 2023
You Ain’t from ‘Round These Parts, Are You? Best Subscribe to My Newsletter, Pard by R.J. Kushner|October 23, 2023
As a Medieval Monk, I Am Tired of Being Asked to Investigate a Series of Murders by Dylan Fugel|October 20, 2023
“Friends” Episode or Me Ordering a Shitty Microbrew I Can’t Remember the Name of by Describing the Stupid Label? by Berkley Johnson|October 16, 2023
I’m the Man Who Gets Paid to Say “Tut Tut” Every Time You Think About Sex by Lillie Franks|October 16, 2023
At Our Montessori School, We Offer Drug Culture Without the Drugs by Adam Dietz and Troy Doetch|October 14, 2023
Easy Answers to Common Job Interview Questions for Anyone Who Was Saved by a Swamp Creature When They Were Nine by Tyler Gooch|October 13, 2023
This Country Music Star Is Not Apologizing for Stealing Your Lunch from the Office Fridge by Troy Doetch|October 12, 2023
Teens Need to Put Down Their Phones and Get Hunted by Me, a Masked Killer by Lillie Franks|October 3, 2023
Reasons Why This Page Was Left Intentionally Blank by Phil Burton and Wendy Parnell|September 27, 2023
Maximize Anxiety While Prepping for Your Annual Physical by Laura Berlinsky-Schine|September 27, 2023
At VERMO Liquid Ant Baits, We Don’t Sell Insecticide, We Sell Experiences by Coleman Larkin|September 26, 2023
Congratulations Patriot, You’ve Been Selected to Get Launched into Space by Dave Anderson|September 25, 2023
Congratulations, It Was All Worth It: You Were Hand-Selected to Apply for a Discover Miles Credit Card by God and His Angels by Hannah June|September 23, 2023
I Went to a Concert and Took a Bunch of Terrible Videos for Us to Watch Together Right Now by Emily Kling|September 20, 2023
Wow, So All 30 of You Robbed a Nordstrom but None of You Texted Me? by Mike Carrier|September 19, 2023
Emily, This Is Your Bank That Cares: You’re Overdrawn, Sweetie by Stephanie Redmond|September 18, 2023
I Thought I Was Reporting a Simple Story About Pothole Repairs—I Couldn’t Believe I Was Right by Eddie Small|September 15, 2023
Help! I Wished for a Kitchen Island and Now I’m Stranded in the Atlantic by Steph Westendorf|September 14, 2023
Better Responses to the Question “What Do You Do?” When You’re Unemployed by Graeme Carey|September 13, 2023
Fool Me Once, Shame on You, Fool Me Twenty Times and That’s a Situation by Lillie Franks|September 13, 2023
For Our Wedding, Please Buy Us Useless Kitchen Shit Off Our Registry by Emily Kapp and Daniel Stillman|September 11, 2023
Beyoncé Concert Report from Someone Who Only Knows Her from “Austin Powers’ Goldmember” by Rodney Uhler|September 9, 2023
The Ultimate Personality Test: Are You Myers or Briggs from the Myers-Briggs Test? by Tyler Gooch|September 6, 2023
Did You Write a Poem About Your Grandmother’s Comb? Open Calls from Rad Litmags That Want to Hear from You by Amy Rothschild|September 6, 2023
My Metamorphosis into a Monstrous Vermin Went Pretty Great, Actually by Lillie Franks|September 1, 2023
Shackleton Journal Entry or Me Experiencing Heatstroke on the Picket Line? by Berkley Johnson|August 28, 2023
I Took 2,365,912 Selfies This Year, Making Me the Most Photographed Person in the World by Lindsey Lorenzana|August 28, 2023
Guestbook Entries from a Hotel That Definitely Has a Man in the Walls by Mo Gascoigne|August 24, 2023
Ruling of Judge Mom, in the Superior Court of Target, on Motion for LOL Surprise O.M.G. Doll by Nick Morgan|August 23, 2023
I’m Your Yoga Instructor and I’m Hitting on Some Weirdly Specific Things About You During This Class by Jason Garramone|August 22, 2023
Prepare for Your Mouth’s Ecosystem to Be Decimated by Our Daring New Doritos Flavors by Sarah Lehman|August 21, 2023
An Open Letter to the Receipt I Just Got at CVS That Is Inexplicably the Length of a Goddamn Jump Rope by Berkley Johnson|August 19, 2023
10 Ways Creating a Numbered List Will Help You Feel like You Can Bring Meaning and Organization to This Chaotic, Random World by Simon Henriques|August 18, 2023
Google Maps Reviews of the Prickleback Nuclear Testing Facility in Sopps-Daisy, Tennessee by Augusta Chapman|August 16, 2023
