You and Rihanna are his queens. He loves your style and badass attitudes. When he comes home from a long day, he can’t wait to whip out his phone to show you Rihanna’s #unbothered ‘gram before you two get down and dirty perusing the Fenty Beauty lip colors she just released.
You and Rihanna are the ONLY women he has eyes for.
Here are five Rihanna remixes your not-gay boyfriend knows you’ll love.
1. Work – Lost Kings Remix
Your adamantly heterosexual boyfriend requested that you envision Rihanna singing “werk” in lieu of “work” when listening to this jam. As he says, “It’s better to twerk, girl!”
You know he’s right. He’s the twerking authority in the relationship anyway. Those hours of YouTube tutorials have paid off!
2. Love on the Brain – Gigamesh Remix
Remember that SoulCycle class you guys took with that amazing instructor? What was his name again? John Blaze. He was so hype.
This song played during the warm-up and your unwaveringly straight boyfriend remembered that you LOVED it. So, he went back to the studio to get John’s number to swap FIRE RiRi remixes. Since then they’ve been texting nonstop—much to your benefit!
3. Sex with Me – Addal Remix
When your beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt-heterosexual boyfriend was on a trip to Miami last June with his best friend Dylan, this was their ANTHEM! Dylan is a sweetheart and he’s also gay. Oh, like in addition to being a sweetheart, not like in addition to your boyfriend being gay! He’s definitely not! You guys have BOMB sex. He loves rubbing his naughty bits on you when you’re face down, ass up! It’s so hot!
Anyway, that trip was legendary and you’re so happy Dylan and your boyfriend, who gets grossed out by penises of any kind, have such a close friendship. They rack up so many likes on Insta! A bromance for the ages!
4. Bitch Better Have My Money –R3hab Remix
Every time this song comes on your boyfriend, who prefers making love to women—especially you—reminisces about “boy’s night” with his best guy friends. The whole club was entranced by this remix. He wished you were there, but it’s really healthy that you have your own friend groups and independence! It was all guys there anyway, so you had nothing to worry about, except for maybe the hot Rihanna music videos playing all night! Her bod is “GOALS,” as he says!
5. S&M– Rihanna and Britney Spears Remix
This one is surprising—kind of like the time you met your live-and-die heterosexual boyfriend’s mom for the first time. She thought you were going to be a man since your name is Alex. She was so surprised that you were a woman that she cried! It was such a funny miscommunication and you guys still joke about it. She absolutely adores you and can’t wait for you to have her grandbabies!
BONUS: This remix features Britney, who is also a low-key KWEEN, according to your boyfriend, who loves to fuck females and not males dressed as females, with all his might!
He would love to get freaky to this with you and, in the spirit of the song, break out that bondage gear he just bought.
First he has to put it on and send a picture to his best friend Dylan and maybe John Blaze from SoulCycle as a joke. They would love it! Actually, maybe after your straighter-than-an-arrow boyfriend sends those photos you two could just snuggle and watch Rihanna music videos for a bit. He’s tired and hasn’t listened to you talk about your day yet, which he’d much rather do than have sex!
Come on, your relationship is deeper than that and he respects you. He’s the best! He's never checking out other girls and truly makes you feel like you're the only girl in the world—after Rihanna, of course!