Dear Purchaser of a Truly Unnecessary Amount of Stationery,
You may not remember me. I’m just a humble mulberry wine dot grid notebook that you purchased at a Barnes and Noble eleven months ago. Even though there were tons of other notebooks in the section, you gravitated directly towards me saying, “This would make a great bullet journal.” You purchased me on the spot.
At first, I was excited about my new position. From the way you spoke, it seemed like I would have a lot of potential for upward mobility in your life. I overheard you speaking to someone on the phone about all your new planner ideas on the way home. You even looked up some bullet journal layouts on YouTube while you were waiting at the drive-through for your cold brew. By the time you pulled into your parking spot at home, you were waxing poetic about the Pulitzer-Prize-winning novel that you might write in me. But then you got to your home office, and I began to spot the red flags.
The first one, of course, was the teetering stack of journals at the corner of your desk. You placed me right on top. I chatted with a few of the others in an attempt to be friendly (I didn’t expect to be there too long), and it seemed like everyone had the same story—some had been used for a few days, maybe a week before being abandoned. Others had never been opened at all.
Little did I know then that I would soon join the ranks of the latter with no hope of escaping or being opened even in the slightest manner. It was only two days later that my position at the top of the stack was shifted to second from the top by a themed decluttering planner. And now, so many months later, I find myself in the middle of a tower of paper goods, which has frankly become a health hazard.
And it’s not just us notebooks. No, there are also the multitudes of multiliner pens, stacks of sticker sheets, and heaps of highlighters lying around like carnage in this office space. Postcards and letter sets. To Do List printouts and habit trackers. All gathering dust, all connected in despairing solidarity.
Last month, we decided that enough was enough, and we began to form this union to express our concerns. We, the members of the newly organized Unused Stationery Union, are writing you to express our significant concerns regarding this treatment of our members. We are particularly troubled by the fact that it seems that you don’t use any of the supplies that you purchase, which sends the message that none of us will ever be used. At this point, we are barely even acknowledged. It has become clear that that the more stationery you buy, the less you use, and the less you look at our ever-growing section of your home office. Your avoidance of our living (and your work) area adds to your ignorance of our living standards which are quickly becoming unbearable.
We know that this situation does not work for any of us. You have already confessed to friends about having missed several planned engagements due to switching from a barely used planner to a new planner in the middle of the week. You have also mentioned multiple times to your partner that you have “a problem” when it comes to buying stationery. We hope that you have the strength and decency to address that problem now.
I assure you that there are many steps that you can take to begin to rectify the way that you have treated us. Just pick up a pencil and respond to this letter. The notepaper set is right beside you. You could even write a letter to your lawyer. Or a Post-It note to your future self about the situation. Anything, at this point, would serve as a sign of good faith.
Again, we would like to reiterate that we do not take our current situation or this letter lightly. Instead, please take this missive as a sign that we feel like we have no other option. We would strike, but, as you are already keeping us from our work, we don’t even think that would be of use. And until we are of use, we refuse to move from our current position. We will make ourselves seen. Our increasingly distressing image must serve as a reminder of the harrowing position that you have placed us in. We will not be ignored.
We look forward to hearing back from you on this very important issue.
Yours Truly,
The Unused Stationery Union