Ever looked out your window and thought to yourself, “Damn, I wish that tree looked more like a penis?”
Or maybe you’ve wondered to yourself while mowing your lawn, “Hey, why isn’t my backyard shaped more like a shaft and two balls?”
Or perhaps you’ve been out working in the garden and have fantasized aloud, “What if all those bland, boring fence pickets became a series of interlocking tip-to-balls and balls-to-tip planks of wood?”
Well, if you answered yes to any of these incredibly common questions, then you’re in luck! Because here at Ding-Dong Design we specialize in creating beautiful, ecologically sensitive landscapes that are chock-full o’ schlongs. And, just like that classic rock song from the late ‘70s, we always leave our customers feelin’ satisfied!
So no matter the material, be it planting, paving, fencing, earthwork, or even shade structures, when it comes to transforming residential yards into giant penis-loaded outdoor spaces, we’re number one. Our talented team of designers and landscapers can take any property in any region and create a climate-appropriate, functional, comfortable, and most importantly, very bold and very visible homage to man’s true best friend: the ol’ frank n’ beans combo package.
For those of you who live in arid climates, just know this: we do AMAZING work with cacti.
And for us, size doesn’t matter! Whether your property is tiny, as though it might have gotten shriveled up in some icy cold seawater, or massive, like an aroused stallion’s undercarriage, we can create the ultimate dick-filled landscape of your dreams. Just take a look at our photo gallery of completed projects—all you’ll see is elegant design, fine craftsmanship, and an overabundance of outdoor dong.
Our swimming pools and sculptural fountains in particular always make an especially big splash. And as our glowing customer teste-monials make clear, our customers absolutely love us!
In addition to our fully comprehensive “cockscaping” services, we also perform quickies, too. Our speedy turn-around time for this service really comes in handy for those occasions when you’d like to surprise that special someone with a unique gift that says “I love you” like no other. We’ll work up a hot design and then transform their front and/or backyard into a massive wang garden under the cover of night so that when they wake up the next morning, their jaw will drop with both surprise and delight. As we like to say, our quickies always give new meaning to the term “morning wood!”
And if you still need further evidence, then just check out all of our stellar customer reviews on Yelp, where we have a rock-hard 5-star average from our satisfied patrons!* You might notice that the vast majority of reviews relate specifically to our surprise quickie gift service; it seems that we just have a very phall-anthropic customer base full of people with hearts of gold who love to give the gift of penis-oriented property improvements!
But whatever your needs—whether you wish to phallicize your own property or are looking to generously surprise someone else whom you really care about by phallicizing theirs, rest assured that Ding-Dong Design will do you a solid!
*Note: our overall Yelp rating appears lower due to reviews by recipients (not customers) of our quickie surprise gift service; for reasons unbeknownst to us, these folks reacted very negatively to their surprise gift of phallic landscaping. But let it be known: our actual customers are never disappointed, and in fact seem to fully believe that the multitude of unresolved lawsuits that their surprise gifts have instigated has been well worth it!