DO: Vigorously wave hellos from a distance of six feet at everyone you see, no matter if you know them or not.
DON'T: Go to work if you’re sick. There’s no one there to rub your tummy and they make a big show of it if you throw up on the rug.
DO: Thank your host for their invitation even if you don’t feel comfortable attending their event. A simple hand-written note on personalized stationery that says “No I won’t be sucking and fucking my way through Tampa with you classless bitches before Samantha anchors herself to the sinking ship named Todd” will suffice.
DON'T: Share hats. Lice? Yuck.
DO: Wash your hands for a long time. Make sure people know. This is time to embrace the spotlight. 20 seconds is for stinky little pigs. A really clean girl will take a bath in a sink after every piss or shit or even if she couldn’t make anything come out.
DON'T: Cough on your boss. This is a show of dominance and will show that you don’t understand the hierarchy at all, like at all at all.
DO: Wear a mask if your date is wearing a mask.
DON'T: Wear a mask if your date isn’t wearing a mask. Take it off. pretend like you don’t have one, that you were never wearing one. Say “I don’t know what you’re talking about, buddy” and then whack them over the head with a frying pan.
DO: Bring hand sanitizer to work. It'll get you pretty buzzed.
DON'T: Hold hands with your friend’s husband. He could get sick, and that would ruin everything between you two.
DO: Ask people for their vaccine status.
DON'T: Share yours. Look who's in the driver's seat now, bucko.
DO: Kiss hello. Everybody likes it!