“Lip Balm Chronicles” Issue #200
This is my 200th newsletter! I can’t believe it. Thank you so much for being a subscriber. I’m beyond grateful to be able to share drugstore lip balm news with you every Thursday at 8:00 PM sharp.
Ok, let’s get to this week’s topic: Burt’s Bees. It’s a brand that goes on like honey, but has a price that stings. Today, I’m sharing my own experience with the brand to see if the buzz is really worth it…
Issue #208
Hey guys. I'm so sorry the newsletter is late. My internet was being weird, even after I reset the router. I tried to send it off my husband’s laptop but I couldn’t get the login to work. I know people always make excuses for sending their newsletters late, but I am actually deeply sorry. It won’t happen again.
Today, I’m finally tackling a question that comes up constantly in the forums: is Carmex too tingly? To find out, I did a blind taste test between Carmex and Icy Hot. Let’s break down all the thrills and chills…
Issue #278
Hey guys. I can’t believe it. The newsletter is late for the second time ever. This week was totally hectic. Between the product launch at work and the kids’ baseball practices, I just lost track of time. Words cannot express how sorry I am.
Let’s pray this doesn't happen a third time. For peace of mind, I encourage you all to hug your loved ones, renew your passport, liquidate assets, etc.
Ok, onward. As you know, I’ve always been curious about the role of bias in the drugstore lip balm industry. So, recently, I put on a gray wig and hobbled into Walgreens with a walker. You won’t believe what happened at check-out when I tried to buy a Cherry Chapstick…
Issue #302
Hey. Guys. You are receiving this at 8:27 PM on Thursday. It’s officially the third time the newsletter has been late. I was sprinting to my laptop at 7:59 PM, tripped over a baseball mitt, cracked my head on the kitchen table, and blacked out before I could hit “Send.” But the excuses don’t matter anymore. None of it matters. It’s time to lock your doors and buckle the fuck up.
You see, five years ago I was walking home from a pub in a tiny village just north of Blackshire, England. A small, strange man approached me as I was taking shelter under a bridge during a rare British dust storm.
He said he had a special pill that could make any dream come true, and asked if there was anything he could help me with. I told him I wished to be the go-to expert on everything related to drugstore lip care products. I wanted a legion of email subscribers who valued my expertise and chuckled at anecdotes about my kids and my struggles with wifi.
Then, he sang:
With this pill you shall achieve
more subscribers than you dare conceive!
You’ll be fully seen, our Rite Aid Queen,
Each Thursday’s Eve at hour twenty.
But send it late, not once but THRICE,
Darkness will stir, and you’ll pay the price.
The demons of Hell will not be done
‘til your email subscribers perish, one-by-one.
He vanished the moment I swallowed the pill. The next morning, I got an alert that Mailchimp was ready to send my first ever issue. I clicked “Send” and the rest, well, is history.
Speaking of history, did you know that the creators of Blistex were originally trying to formulate a cure for typhus? In 1873, one of the scientists accidentally fell into the pot of boiling wax. He died, but his chronically dry lips were completely healed…
Issue #303
Hey guys! For this month’s “link roundup,” I’ve included the usual CVS inventory update (spoiler: there’s a twofer on Aquaphor Lip Repair!) as well as resources on managing grief, estate planning, and a list of the best caves in the world for hiding.
One housekeeping item: I am aware that many / basically all of you have had issues with the “Unsubscribe” button (namely that it doesn’t work, even when clicked repeatedly and violently!). I tried to troubleshoot the issue, but my internet was being weird, even after I reset the router. I’ll get to it next week after the baseball tourney!