Hey there, Jamie here with Jamie’s Funs and Roses! Just wanted to confirm a few details of your custom flowery delivery before we get them shipped off to Mr. Dickweed for a little extra sunshine.
First, the add-ons:
Typically we offer mylar balloons, chocolate, and teddy bears in sizes M and L. It looks from your notes that you’d like a “colony of fire ants with the vengeance of a thousand suns.” We’re happy to add custom pieces, but unfortunately we don’t have a partner that is able to obtain the ants within your desired timeline. If you’re looking for something spicy, I can add a packet of Red Hots for $4.00. Please let me know if this is of interest and I will adjust the order and send a new invoice right on over!
Also wanted to check in about your delivery time request.
As stated on www.funsandroses.com/bouqYAY/deliverytime, our delivery window is from 10:00 AM – 4:00 PM Monday through Friday with the option for expedited delivery through our service partners between 12:00 – 2:00 PM on Saturday. Even if “the time he feels most alone—when there is no water in the valley of passion and he thirsts for only my forgiveness” may fall within that range, I’m not able to send those instructions to a delivery driver. Would 2:30 PM on Wednesday be okay?
Re: the message on the card.
I see you requested the message “Get wrecked, Fucker.” While this message is well within our character limits (thank you for adhering!) our designer isn’t comfortable with that language on our custom cards—our worry is that if it is photographed and we were to be tagged (which we love) it would be off-brand for us. Would you consider updating to one of the below?
- “Get wrecked :)”
- “Get wrecked, F****r”
- “Get well, friend.”
Our hope is that these alternative messages deliver the passion you’re aiming for while supporting our goal of bringing a little sunshine to every customer.
As far as the actual flowers are concerned—your selection Sweet Summer Blues is a fave of mine! Just wanted to check in about the customizations you requested. In the section “color preferences” you noted your request that the roses be “covered in thorns from stem to stalk” which I worry we may not be able to accomplish based on both the biological limitations of the flora, and variations since our works of art are alive and unique. Rest assured what is delivered will be very close to what is advertised on our site, and the recipient will be sure to enjoy the fine floral fragrance of summer.
RE: Your delivery instructions:
Because we value a safe delivery to maximize smiles for all our customers, our drivers will not be able to “heave the glass vase through his frontal lobe and let the thorns follow.” An in-person delivery is preferred, but if we’re unable to notify Mr. Dickweed in advance with the phone number you listed, (816) DIEDIEDIE we’ll plan to leave it wherever they typically receive packages. Please let us know if there is a door code we need to access the delivery area.
Payment:
AMex, MasterCard, Venmo, and Zelle, are acceptable forms of payment. We do not accept Red Lobster gift cards, and we’re unable to send “a dead ringer for The Rock” to the door to “demand payment or else.” Once we receive your payment, the arrangement will be out the door lickety-split!
Thanks again for supporting small businesses, and we look forward to creating a smile with your help as soon as we hear back.
Have a Funs and Roses day!