Even though the world is changing into a “new normal” that involves no human touch and being constantly afraid that you and everyone you know will die at all times, that doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate fall in the most basic way possible, by apple picking!
We here at Apple Road Farms are ready to offer you the ultimate 2020 Apple Picking experience all from the comfort of your own apartment! You can chat with a real live farmer and tell him which apples you want to pick from his tree and then you pretend to eat them while he watches! Never before has apple picking been so fun and so light on calories! Also, for an extra thirty dollars, you can request a hot farmer! Ey-Ey-ey-io!
For an extra twenty dollars, you can “Eat Your Imaginary Apples with Boxer.” Boxer is our adorable farm goat and he loves meeting people on the internet and “sharing” an apple with you. Just don’t be alarmed if he tries to bite the screen since he doesn’t fully grasp what a laptop is. This option is great for the younger virtual apple pickers—you can even take a selfie with Boxer from the comfort of your own home! What memories can be had!
This year there are lots of fun apples for you to pretend to pick including Fuji, Granny Smith, and a special Apple Road Bougie farm apple made with fusions of gold if you’re feeling a little fancy! Each crunchy imaginary bite will make you realize you are alive and it is FALL even if you are still living with your parents in your childhood bed with Justin Bieber’s face on it and all seasons have merged into one and all time has lost meaning and you can’t remember what human touch feels like.
Now some might wonder why we aren’t allowing people on our farms to pick the apples in person. Well the answer is, you have germs and a potentially terrifying virus so… no. We really believe the best way for you to get a taste of #farmlyfe and experience fall 2020 is at your laptop staring at us herding sheep or picking apples far far away. No need to come on down with your germ-filled scary selves and ruin our wholesome farmer good time.
Fall is a season about leaves changing, the weather getting colder, apples getting riper, and what better way to celebrate than through pretending to pick apples on a screen joyfully while your mother screams in the background asking why aren’t you married to a doctor by now? You can even use those delicious and crisp imaginary apples to make some sweet sweet fake apple cider or just out of the oven apple pie! Spice up your Zoom sessions by letting a friend try and really taste fall in his or her mouth in a virtual safe socially distanced no-calorie way! Just remember, please #stayathome and never leave ever, ‘cause you might be sick and we scared of you.
We really hope you’ll join us soon at Apple Road Farms! We promise we won’t “mute” your fall fun!