Comedy Articles

I Honestly Prefer Being Alone—Unless You Want to Hang Out?

You might think it’s strange how much time I spend on my own. You might even call it “sad” or “a little concerning.”

I’ve been in the apostles' crew for almost a year now, but Jesus still makes me wear a nametag every time we hang out.

Some people don't seem to understand how being a Beppo baby is such a big advantage in the industry.

I know I’ve been closed off my entire life, but, I don’t know, there’s something about right now that just makes me want to bare my soul to you.

I said I was sorry, and Sam said it was okay and that he would stop taking my iPod. This is one example of misunderstandings outside of the Torah.

Now that I’ve got maximum hold of the floss, I will dig it into your gums so hard that your teeth feel loose.

Did you see my tweet from this morning saying I take everyone’s concerns seriously, accompanied by a gif from The Office?

Since Pink Eye is usually thought of as a children’s illness, there is a level of grossness that comes with admitting you have it.

And if you find any let me know. Maybe write down anything you do find and make a note of where it was. Try to be thorough though.

Worried I might embark on a border-spanning bloody warpath? You think I have that many air miles saved up?

I’ve delayed trains for hours at a time just to let couples wet each other’s face holes before departure.

THE BOSS: This is your BOSS. It’s in all caps, because he (it’s a man, always a man) wants you to be clear that he is your BOSS.