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Doctors always say things like "watch that cholesterol." They are unwarrantedly suspicious and overtly vigilante over an entire group. It's profiling!
Depression: Did I go too far by putting a puppy on my lap as I hold a guitar? Sure, I don’t know how to play guitar, but she doesn’t know that.
If he’s willing to stand behind his declaration of love for your “sweet ass,” then odds are that he’ll also be into a committed relationship.
Who the heck owns a letter opener anymore? I’ll tell you who: people like me, looking for socially acceptable ways to always have a knife nearby.
Although, speaking of our actual bodies, you should absolutely look a gift horse in the mouth. You can tell a horse's age by looking at its teeth.
So rarely is a short fiction necessary, but in times like these, reading pieces such as this truly massages my mimblelaxy.
You notice a phalanx of tiny Greek soldiers inside your body and they're stabbing you in the lungs with their historically accurate iron spears.
It rains all the time and sometimes floods, but it’s never awful, so it wouldn’t surprise me if our Heavenly Father said this purely to make a fuss.
With all due respect, let me tell you what an actual emergency is: when Rose’s necklace went missing and they blamed poor Jack for stealing it.
He surprised me with a candle because he said, "I know your love language is 'receiving gifts.'" How did you get him to read "The 5 Love Languages"?!
We don’t know if Trappist 1-h’s theoretical moons exist or not, but the motions of these maybe-moons are still going to fuck your shit up, Cancer.
You'll be ready to snatch your body back from the erratic specter that’s possessed it---and look "snatched" doing it!