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I will not be completely terrified every time I see a white man wearing a red hat. All my lunches will be Soylent.
I plan to do great work today. Just as soon as I...check Instagram to see if that guy posted more dumb pictures of that thing he thinks is cool.
I’m not asking you to think about “scientific evidence” or “UN sanctions.” I’m asking you to incarcerate this child with your heart, like an American.
I don’t have that soft center that “normal bread” does. Ever spread peanut butter too hard on a slice of bread and poke right through? Can’t relate.
The people of Texas have disappointed millions of people who wanted their fates sealed by a hot guy for once.
“Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey: "Just a small town girl living in a lonely world/She’ll drive your Uber from here to anywhere"
These events are particularly disturbing given that we do not know Gritty's political party, nor is he a resident of the state of Texas.
Stuck to your cubicle wall with a push-pin that matches the color of “your party”: You work in middle-management but your team likes you, you think.
I know what you're thinking: “A whole mansion for just $150! What a deal! I wonder if the low price has anything to do with that horrifying clown!”
Until I can vote over Instagram, voting's just not going to fit into my schedule of work, doctor's appointments, and scrolling through Instagram.
There's no catch, except that I'm going to be making sure you check each and every one of those little "D" boxes on your ballot, you hetero freaks.
Talk to the hand! The Zima is chilling on ice, Matchbox Twenty is in the CD player, and Trevor’s all sexy up in here with his puka shell necklace on.