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The three most frequent commercials running during Days of Our Lives, and their insulting implications for you, the lazy sack of shit on the sofa.
I saw your Craigslist ad about needing a date to your office holiday party. Here's more about me and why you should take me as your plus one!
Just in time for Christmas, download "A Pilgrim's Weighty Choice" from the App Store and find top-rated, authentic local nativities!
More visitors than Reagan's! Fewer tears than Kennedy's! Less graffiti than Bush's! The Donald J. Trump Presidential library is legit on fleet.
If I'm being totally honest, I would say for youuuuu that this new blush we have called "You're An Embarrassment" would be perfect.
First of all, son, I'm not angry with you for peeking downstairs. I just want you to tell Daddy more about the man you saw Mommy kissing, okay?
Sue grew into her breasts last year and is now popular with the boys, but she is self-identifying as Asian which is also confusing the boys.
I realize that ruining the sacred post-blockbuster cinema space with comments on the beauty of the most beautiful man in the galaxy was wrong.
My name is Krazzed Dumm'fuk, proud member of the Galactic Blaster Rifle Association. We must fight to lift the ban on private Death Star ownership.
As part of white collar drug treatment program, baristas serve liquid methadone lattes on G train. Every other Thursday, system-wide Backwards Day.
Here's an incredible statistic: if 100% of people at the brunch paid me back right now, you would never have to hear from me again.
Hey you, filthy nasty Garbage. I feel like we got off to on the wrong foot, but let's get back on track: you'll never amount to anything.