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Are you ready to get spooked? Have you ever even HEARD of a scarecrow in the submarine?!
It takes 35 minutes to prepare but deconstructs the dinner party in mere seconds, allowing you to restore the cultural and economic sanctity of your home forever.
Just when the Facebook notifications about all your friends laying eggs finally slow to a trickle, here come the fucking baby pics of gelatinous larvae.
I didn't choose to be transported to a pre-historic age, but I did choose to become the teacher of the cavemen and women once I got there. No Neanderthal left behind!
Before you even leave the house, you’ll have to decide which restroom is the bestroom for YOU. These five steps will help you make it all the way to that satisfying crap.
You gotta have two belts: a formal one for funerals and weddings, and an everyday belt, no fewer than five years old, and TOTALLY SHOWING ITS AGE.
Trumps cameo in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York may only be three seconds, but its gut-bustingly laugh-larious. Seriously, its that funny.
Amount: $40 Message: "Marketing fees associated with me blogging about this date." Rationale: He’s a weirdo, and weirdos need to be blogged about.
"You really think you deserve to destroy America after a test like that? My father and grandfather are rolling in their graves right now at the thought."
Lurking behind every YouTube thumbnail is a well-camouflaged bear trap, waiting to violently snap shut on your already fragile sense of self-worth.
I didn't come all the way from England and finally get my own HBO program only to rant about an orange devil destroying our planet each week. I came to talk about guinea pigs.
Just last Thursday I was entertaining over 50,000 guests at my bi-weekly “Salute to Bear Traps,” which was meant to be just a fun, casual, and accident-free celebration. Oops.