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While it may not make for polite conversation on Christmas morning, it’s important nonetheless that you understand, Harry Potter is a degenerate psychopath.
Everyone thinks that our Lord wore tattered rags and robes and ancient-day-Crocs because he liked them, but that's actually just what was fashionable back then.
The Occupant begins his own thorough cleaning of his apartment. Girlfriend refuses to help, instead deciding to go to the Farmer’s Market and then to a yoga class.
Starting a band takes a lot of time, practice, and self-loathing. You truly need to hate yourself to get into the state of mind necessary for writing profound, echoing lyrics.
Some nights I lie awake, wondering, is my son a nancy ass? Now, I fear the worst?: that he harbors dreams of a future in social work.
Indeed there is no Santa Claus, and we can definitively say it would be impossible for one man to visit all the children in the world in one night.
If the Mike Flynn Russia call did not take place in our Presidents sense of reality, either there is no issue as this is the only reality that now matters or it is not.
I have a confession to make: I'm the man behind the Incredible Hulk. But I've gotten older and my angry shenanigans have become tiresome over the years.
My niece is seven, and half-birthday parties are barely acceptable for her. And she’s a goddamn princess. Are you a princess, Lou?
We all know abortion is wrong. Bad. But sometimes the mother is so disgusting and fat from being pregnant, we really don't want that baby.
There are now 18 different colored bracelets that represent 139 different problems. Even Jay-Z can't rap about that much confusion.
Hello, it is me, your unholy host! I am here to answer the questions of the living, the dead, and the undead. Call in now while the moon is still full and the sun is yet to rise…