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You don't need to write me a poem or say something witty, but if you're boring I can't help myself: I'm going to mess with you.
Going for that peak-psycho ugly-cry in a public place surrounded by crazy sports fans probably isn't going to score you any "girlfriend points."
Here's the problem with your skateboarders: they make it look too easy. Let me attempt to skateboard and faceplant all over the place, for the ratings.
You are cordially invited to the grand opening of Café Douchebag, the hottest restaurant openly pandering to the douchebag lifestyle.
Sometimes two people stop talking to each other, and there isn't even a big argument at the end. They just avoid each other, forever.
Although You and your Son continue to get rave reviews, you're nothing but a supernatural dog and pony show. A metaphysical scam of Biblical proportions.
Points in Case polled 285 online participants immediately following tonight's townhall presidential debate in St. Louis. The results are surprising.
For the lovable loser in your life: It seems like just yesterday you were in kindergarten… Now you work at Best Buy.
At night you claw at my door to let you in, hoping in vain that you might find more affection from me. It's become too much really.
Wow! This Guy Seemed Genuinely Kind and Interested In Me, But How I Blow Him Off Because of My Deep-Seated Insecurity Is Even Crazier!
Crap! Crap! Crap! Brain, you idiot, what did you just do? You don't want soymilk. Why did you say that? Ok, you can fix this, THINK...
There's no better way to impress on a young boy the timeless lesson of impermanence than the gallows. Then move on to a ballista or siege tower!