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Why squander this opportunity to be a real life millionaire; a king of kings! And I'll take a big, steaming dump on top of my empty-headed uncle's grave while I'm at it.
My annyoing-ass suitemate Pauline thinks Amy's experienced massive brain hemorrhaging. I think she's just experienced a socially-conscious awakening.
The Donald's hair is perfect as a tiny scale model of the Siberian tundra, illustrating the catastrophic results of a scorched earth policy in the Napoleonic invasion of Russia.
Going by the presence of all black clothing, oversized headphones, lattes, and jaded demeanors, it appears you're all definitely in the correct gate area.
According to the internet, hot dogs are trying to kill everyone. But how much merit does the viral news of the hot dog's tendency to cancerify children's bodies carry?
The goal of my Kickstarter is to accrue enough money to purchase a full-sized hot tub and have it installed in my studio apartment so I can bring in a flock of new friends.
While establishing his brand on Twitter, Pinterest, and Snapchat, the Fuhrer also uses Facebook as a marketing tool. During a recent boredom spell, he even took a quiz.
Have you noticed that your life has taken a hard left turn into the pits of hell? Now, even members of the animal kingdom are trying to distance themselves from you.
If we don't get enough quarters into the Meter Colossus before sundown, we're all gonna get handed life's final parking ticket: death. Now, do you want to pay the fine?
Famarchy: The (arguably amusing) utter chaos into which your offbeat loved ones inevitably descend within the first 12-18 hours of each ill-fated reunion.
If these people are so poor, where's all the garbage coming from. Don't you have to have belongings first in order to have trash? I have a theory on where it all comes from.
Are you ready for the Sony Pictures Master Plan? We combine Star Wars 7 with Star Trek 13 and Super Troopers 2 all in one gigantic mega-blockbuster film!