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I think what you saw in your head must have been a bloody, horrific uprising in a non-specific distant incarnation of the East Coast in which the government rules all.
“You’re not on Twitter!?” People look at me like I still have Tom in my Top 8. Suddenly I’m Stone Age, old school, even a little rebellious. I’m an outcast, a recluse.
I’m Washing My Butt! I’m Washing My Balls! Dogs are Gay! Humans can stiff my Litterbox! Cat Scratch Feces! Give you Brain Damage! I Hate Fish! I Hate Birds!
We can all look back at ourselves and choose to regret or be embarrassed by what we've done, or we can say, "I met a lot of interesting people in that cult."
You thought you saw the perfect finale, but what about the one where Phoebe goes on Jeopardy and accidentally says the word "sniggers" live on air?
White guys don't seem to understand that, as a black guy, I probably only want to honestly steal your girlfriend about 10% of the time. Keep an open mind, dudes.
We go behind the hockey mask and get under Freddy’s fingernails with horror’s top five sexiest male psychopaths, including Christian Bale, Jeremy Renner, and Gaspard Ulliel.
Should I run down to the corner store, endure the judgmental gaze of Marlene the cock-eyed clerk who works the night shift, to buy a box of condoms? Or just wing it?
Couples: after you've mastered these origami-like instructions, you will soon overcome your fear and loathing of things that come out of the dryer. Singles: don't bother.
You filmmakers always say the same thing: "Make your own film if you're such an expert!" Well guess what, I don't NEED to. I have snark and a cultural studies degree.
As pet owners, we like to think that our dog or cat loves us as much as we love them. But sometimes the reality of the situation is, your pet would rather eliminate you.
These last three weeks have been so great and special, but I think it’s going to be too much for me to carry on pretending I like museums.