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Thank you for submitting your piece, "12 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Bread," to LaughSmack. What you have written is absolute filth.
Walmart has better prices and Kohl's has better selection, but Target has way hotter moms. And it might be part of a flawless marketing strategy to attract men.
The chemistry between some of these characters leads to some awesomely homoerotic moments, not to mention way too much "shirt ripping off."
With only a few minor changes, Mr. Goodell, you can eradicate the tarnish of capitalism from your nefarious NFL and jump-start The Revolution!
History has its share of weird bans that simply wouldn't have many supporters today, including bans on chess, coffee, tattoos, and Christmas.
It's important to recognize that no strategy is foolproof, so you should be totally prepared. Make sure to have an ample supply of guns and tomahawks.
Bernard knew he had skin cancer. He knew, for a fact, he didn't have that mole on his neck a couple of weeks ago. Well, he was pretty sure he didn't.
You remember me, right? We made eye contact on the G train two months ago. I was wearing my somewhat-ironic DARE shirt. No bells ringing?
"Although it's clear there's certainly some raw talent here, it needs to be given a good spit shine. Also, rocking bod, Beth." -Gary Summers, Washington Post
Avoid posting about the weather, news, your feelings, or "inspiring" Latin quotes, unless you want people to think there's something seriously wrong with you.
In England we have a cycling and auto parts store called Halfords. It's kind of like a downsized Walmart meets a downsized Home Depot. And it absolutely sucks.
These were the first adult penises I'd ever seen, and as an 8-year-old, it scared me enough to make me avoid changing in locker rooms for the rest of my life.