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ISIS wasn't inspired by the prophet Muhammad, or even Mohamed Al-Fayed. It's a front for a formerly secret society of street thugs who played the Slender Man.
Reality TV shows are a dime a boring dozen these days. That's why we've created "The Real Housewives of Mogadishu" and "Top Homeless Chef"!
Two people with varying degrees of social anxiety are placed in a random setting, anything from happy hour to a funeral, and tasked with out-awkwarding each other.
Our Protestant mindset is so obfuscated by other fundamentalisms that we don't see the obvious: we have to show these Muslim teens that virginity is overrated.
Special effects came on in leaps and bounds, Disney was in its golden age, and asshole Hollywood producers were yet to try and release every single film in 3D.
God so loved the world that he gave his ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, and furnished him with his only begotten semi-automatic in case anyone messed with his shit.
How does the Catholic Church afford its increasing spending while revenue is declining? Sources say the red wine industry has been paying for product placement.
Remember me? I don't want to brag, but you checked out my OkCupid profile every day for months before finally messaging me with "wink…wink… what’s your bra size."
Welcome to Heaven! As I'm sure you can see, we're really quite busy. We hope this pamphlet answers all of your questions about your new musical eternity.
These are the network TV shows this fall that beg the question, "Are these network executives planning to seek professional help for their drug problems?"
I deserve a job. I'll take literally any job. Although I might be abusing the already abused word "literally" there, because what I mean is "not just ANY job."
If anyone plays the song "Come Get it Bae" by Pharrell, feel free to finish a beer, finish another, and then take a shot of vodka. Now you're really cookin!!