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My biggest fear at the cemetery was getting beat up at lunch, an occurrence that I had yet to witness happen to anyone on any of my other first days of digging holes.
I will never forget my first day at Kingston Penitentiary. It didn't take more than a second or two for my fears to be validated, as inmates started pointing and whistling at me.
For most people, the first day of school is an exciting opportunity to reunite with friends and start a new year with a clean slate. For me, it was pure fear of the unknown.
Be on the lookout for these five indicators of danger and you'll soon be sweating ancient Chinese wisdom and fortune... or at the very least have a less painful life.
Week one began over a week ago, and ended the other night. The NFL sure knows how to make money. Here's the high-breadth, low-depth analysis, in succinctly verbose format.
Draw Something is a game in which you compete against your inability to make mental imagery materialize on a touch screen, and try to help friends feel better about their incompetence.
If you've been holding back on the trip of your dreams because you couldn't muster up the money, then you don't have any more excuses. Here's how to eat, sleep and travel cheap.
When the rain came I decided to show them how to play Monopoly. They were so young, so inexperienced. I almost felt sorry for them. And then the game started.
I'm not talking about some "if you can eat it, it's free" bullshit marketing ploy, I'm talking about the mental transformation any red-blooded American male undergoes in a steakhouse.
Having little experience and less aptitude, parents are always firing baseball pointers from the stands during a showdown between two groups of mediocre 11- to 12-year-olds.
What I am proposing is a student loan program that will allow poor young people to go to university and be useful to society: I call it the Indentured Student Loan.
The idea that we have nothing better to do, after this mundane experience on Earth, but to show back up in ethereal form and fuck with terrified people is upsetting.